This is all hard to take in fully. I am not in great turmoil over dying. I am sad about many things, desperately sad about those connected to my family. But I'm not afraid. I wrote about this early on; my feelings haven't changed: I am stardust that randomly ended up in this marvelous corner of the milky way where some stardust ended up in conditions where it became complexly organized in a way we term "alive." And then even more complexly— conscious stardust that is fully aware that it is conscious: amazing -- stardust, inanimate products of exploding supernova, organized in such a complex way that it is conscious of its own aliveness and consciousness -- the greatest privilege in the whole, immense universe. It may be for a limited time -- this complex organization ends and the stardust that is me will dissipate back to the more ordinary state of matter. Nothing to do about that. As creative fanciful minds, we humans are good at inventing ways for our existence as conscious beings to continue after the stardust dissipates. It would be nice. I don't believe in that sort of thing, but I'll find out by some time in February.
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