It is really hard to read this without bursting into tears for anyone who has ever interacted with you, dear Erik. You cannot imagine how much we miss your beautiful smile in the department; your open and gracious arms to offer unstinting moral and intellectual support of all sorts. I could never imagine that I would develop such strong emotional ties with my mentor and adviser. To say that I love you is an understatement of how I (and my peers) feel about you. Thinking of you every day, every hour. Sending bigs hugs to you and Marcia!
This is not reassurance; it is just what my heart screams: DREAM, YOU LIE!!!! Waking Eric, you are right. The love everyone feels for you is palpable, and makes us better people as well. Thank you for all you honesty and emotional/intellectual penetration. This is what the world is for. Love, Jenny
Erik, we have all (re)discovered through your sharing how much we respect and value you, how much we think of you and Marcia within our circles of loved ones, how much we are all on our side. Special, I think, has been the opportunity to watch an intelligent and mature person grow and develop; we are privileged to share in your experiences, in your pains and sorrows, and in your joy. We all hope, and no doubt some of us pray, for your recovery, selfishly, because we all want to continue to benefit from your reflections, and from your generosity and caring.
I will also refrain from reassurance since you don't need or want that as a response, Erik. But, like Julia, the horror of the dream really did hit home from your description. You don't want reassurance from us, but I appreciated being reassured by your explanation of the genesis of the nightmare. That made sense to me and was a better account than some others might have been. I just had a conversation last night with some former students who were telling me how amazing "Good Place" is. I have been resistant. Sounds as if you and Marcia have really been enjoying watching it, but then !! ??
Erik, you write about this experience so openly and profoundly ... the web of love in which you exist and help weave is always there, always visible, through what you write and in people's responses -- even just here on this blog. So I understand the 'no reassurances necessary'. Still, I can understand why such a dream would be the very thing that would be most frightening. To many (most?) of us, it's our deepest fear.
The other day, I was telling one of my sisters, who is developmentally disabled, that she shouldn't watch so many disturbing TV shows, or at least that she should leaven them with something more cheerful. She considered for a bit but then rejected my advice. I can only assume, from her and now you, that these shows must be great. But I'm going to switch on the Hallmark Movie myself!
With love and admiration for you and Marcia,
Julia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bs-tyF95MYA