I am given to terrifying daydreams of tragedy befalling our family. These often focus on the children, and I find myself imagining anything and everything that would go wrong. There was an article in the Week recently that suggested these gruesome fears are experienced by many parents of young children and may be a way in which our minds (and bodies) coax us into the state of "hyper-vigilance" required to care for human infants. I have taken comfort in this hypothesis lately, and I have tried to be grateful for the knowledge and awareness these dark visions deliver and promote. Thank you so much for sharing this dream and reflecting on it so sensitively.
Erik, reassurances are not the point of saying that you are loved — and evoke such love because you give it - it is a matter of empirical fact that we all insist upon. I trust that when the drugs and bad TV have done their worst to frighten you, your wakings will be steadily refilled with love from near and far, because there is a great supply of it available for you. I found your saying you believe in this web of love even more than in your critique of capitalism to be profound as well as profoundly moving. I recognize in that the energy that moves you to try to create a better world and thus as the most fundamental source of your critique (sharpened of course by your brilliance). Love drives your will and gives you energy, and your brain steers it. It is admirable in itself, and even more so in your ability to reflect on it and acknowledge it openly. Love — and yes, prayers — going your way.
Oh, Eric, as a person who dreams vividly, and rarely happily, almost every night, I can relate to the horror of torment from a nightmare, even a snippet of one. When one is ill, I think it is easier for what might be called primal fears to surface in dreams. Hoping this was a one-time episode, and that you can sleep untroubled tonight. Hugs from Eve and John.
Erik- I respect your statement that you are not asking for reassurance, Just reading all the comments on your blog over time is proof of the love that surrounds you. I will say that your description of the dream was so deeply sad, and once again your ability to connect to others through sheer emotional honesty is a life lesson for me. Sending love to you and Marcia...
hardly surprising that you'd have such a nightmare--you're living through something traumatic to say the least. But if it would be reassuring, try to count (mentally) all those who care about it--you would be counting all day and all night.
meanwhile, for a good and charming distraction, watch/listen to this rendition of the internationale by Chinese pop singers:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZlD5RXkeuA