Hello, I haven’t written in here in a long time, mostly because I can’t find the right words to say! Many things have taken place since I last wrote, but the most important medical update is that my cancer continues to progress. I have a fast growing cancer and chemo isn’t stopping it. My Dr. here in Grand Forks thought it would be best if I go to Mayo again to see what I should do. My appointment is on New Year’s Eve. I am hoping that I get put on a chemo that shrinks my cancer or that there is a perfect clinical trial that will get rid of my cancer. I hate to say “my” cancer because I would never claim it as mine as it is something I would never want or anybody to have. The chemo cocktails that I have been on have made me really sick! I am not on chemo right now until I go to Mayo; therefore, I was able to enjoy Christmas! Thank God for my family for getting Christmas together. Josh bought and wrapped all the presents and my family did all the cooking. I was able to get out and go to church also so that was a huge blessing! I have so much fear and anxiety, please pray for me to get through this disease without so much fear. I know my time on earth is limited and I don’t want to leave my family! I want 40 more years here with my husband and kids. The thoughts that go through my mind are sad when I think about my kids not having their mom here. I want to be here so bad for them, I would pretty much do anything to be able to watch my kids grow up and have families of their own. I want to grow old with Josh and unfortunately it doesn’t seem as though any of my wishes will come true. I’m still here right now though and I am still waiting for a miracle to come my way, for this cancer I have eating away at my body to go away. I pray and pray and pray and try enjoy each day to the best of my ability. I love my family so much I want to be here for them so badly! I’m hoping 2020 is my year with good news, less anxiety and pain and NO cancer! Please Lord help my wishes come true! I hope you all had a very merry Christmas and I wish you all health and happiness in 2020!