Hello! 

I apologize it has been a little bit! I am just going to give a quick medical and personal update.

So far, I am two months in to this new (5 days on) chemo rhythm.  The first month did not go well but February went much better. I am learning when to take it easy, and when I start to feel better throughout the month. I am also learning how to better manage my symptoms.  My symptoms last about two and half weeks during the month. By weeks 3 and 4, I start to feel relatively normal which I savor before starting it all again. 

I have appointments next week with my Oncologist, and I know the goal is to increase my dosage 20%, which I will take for the rest of the year. Other than that, I will continue this chemo cycle, along with getting MRI's every three months. 

That's all on the medical front! Travis and I feel out of survival mode and are working to adapt to this new life. Often, the longevity of this journey frightens us and we feel overwhelmed with worries about the future. Yet, we are enjoying the slowness of our life right now. It is a precious gift for us to get this much time together. As a firefighter, Travis works two days and then has four days off.  We are trying to take advantage of getting to spend his off days together. 

I spend my days working on my Masters--I love school and getting to learn new ideas, so I feel lucky to get this opportunity to only be a student right now. I hop around to different coffee shops or stay cozy at home writing papers, researching, or engaging in discussions. I have to take frequent breaks, but I am doing it! I am so determined to graduate, which I will this Spring! 

I am walking through life slowly right now. I am taking long amounts of time to process hard realities and marinate in new, refreshing truths. This journey has forced me to confront the pace of my old life and how it might not have been the healthiest. I am working on shedding the parts of myself that say I am nothing unless I work hard, I am nothing unless I say yes to everything, or I am nothing unless I am accomplishing something.

This world is full of beautiful, tiny moments and we miss it all and what it has to offer us when our heads are down. In this season of slowness, and eventually when its gone, I am wanting to engage, to look up, to feel deeply, to move slowly. I know its not easy, but I do think it's worth it. 

Here is a poem I read this week that encompasses this:

When I am Among the Trees by Mary Oliver

When I am among the trees,
especially the willows and the honey locust,
equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,
they give off such hints of gladness.
I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,
in which I have goodness, and discernment,
and never hurry through the world
but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, “Stay awhile.”
The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, “It's simple,” they say,
“and you too have come
into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine.”

All our love and gratitude, 

Emma and Travis