Journal entry by Emily Schmidt —
Today marks one year since I was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, knowing it was coming. Interestingly though...I totally forgot about all day until the first quiet moments settled over the house this evening.
And so it goes like most other times this past year...I just kept going. (She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.)
To update you, I still have cancer. In August we decided to take a break from chemo after discovering that the treatment was no longer effective on my cancerous lymph nodes. We decided on a 6 month hiatus, with monthly appointments to check on how I was physically feeling. When that 6 month mark came in February, we did all new scans to see where thing were. We were hoping for no new growth and no regrowth. The news was bittersweet...my old areas of cancer remained with no regrowth, but there were multiple new areas of cancer in my abdomen, groin, and around my kidneys and tailbone. Also frustrating was hearing that we were again told I would wait another three months and decide then if we would resume treatments.
If you know me, you know two things - I am impatient and I am stubborn. I do NOT want to wait any longer. I want to tackle this monster and get it gone!! But, the next treatment is really the end of the line without delving into trials and experimental treatment options...and it’s going to be ugly. I don’t know that I’m mentally ready for all of that yet. So, we’ll wait, impatiently.
This past year has been nuts for all of us on this blue planet. Educating in masks, Covid, Covid vaccines, Covid vaccine reactions...the list goes on. I am not symptom free from cancer...or maybe I’m less oblivious to them now. My hair is thin and dull, and I am still dealing with a few side effects of my first rounds of chemo But, I keep going. (She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.)
I know I’ve said this before, but one of my favorite quotes from Walt Disney: “Around here, we don’t look backwards for long. We keep moving forward.” And that is exactly what I’ve been stubborn enough to do. I look forward, I make plans, I enjoy family togetherness, I express love more easily, I try not to sweat the small stuff, I forgive more readily...even myself, and I laugh and laugh and laugh! I am proud of myself for the patience I have managed to develop, even though it’s not much!
So many have been incredibly good to me. Glenda Adair, Teresa Wenzel, and Beth Lower have been constant prayer partners and have continued to encourage me through cards and notes, and I am forever grateful for their faithfulness. Brian has given me time to rest after work on particularly difficult days when I am overwhelmed with fatigue. And my children, my sweet children, love on me and sit with me when I am at my worst and need to be still and breathe.
So, where do we go from here? Forward. Ever onward. Rarely looking back. I can’t wait to have the best summer ever, to watch my kids experience new things...to go on VACATION!!
If you cared to read all of this, thank you for loving me and investing time into listening to my story. I love you and feel that deep in my heart! I live by the verse in this post, knowing it was written not about the woman I am now, but about the one I am striving to be. ❤️
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