September 30, 2020
In these last few weeks of hospice we have had a vision of Emile resting peacefully on a raft, floating farther and farther from our shore. This raft has been drifting in a sea of our collective love, shared memories, and well wishes. (Thank you, all of you, for contributing to this beautiful ocean, it has been keeping me afloat too.) The raft has finally crossed the horizon line. He is still there, somewhere, but out of sight to us on shore.
Emile passed peacefully last night, sometime before dawn.
His beautiful body will be planted in a wildflower meadow at West Laurel Hill Cemetery this weekend. West Laurel Hill is a place that is very special to our family as we have spent a lot of time there together keeping bees, biking, and admiring the trees and goats (yes, really, goats). I have a lot of photos of us all there together. I will attach a few.
A little bit ago, someone asked Atty about his favorite color. I loved his answer: "all of the colors of the rainbow, PLUS all of the other colors, too." This describes perfectly how I think we are all feeling right now -- all of the feelings in the rainbow, PLUS all of the other feelings, too.
I will leave you with a piece of writing that I just discovered on Emile's computer, typed in a document addressed to me, written early in the morning on the day of his first brain surgery, 1/4/19:
"I just had a thought: I learned in physics that our physical mass never actually touches another – the outer electrons of each repel, giving us the illusion of touch. As a neuroscientist, I learned that our brains don’t really see the world, they just interpret it. So losing my body is not really a loss after all! What I am to you is really a reflection of your own mind. I am, and always was, there, in you."
Oh, one final thing: although we greatly appreciate the sentiment, we do not need any flowers or doorstep food deliveries. Because we have all we need, we are hoping that any desire to contribute will be directed towards the Germantown Mutual Aid Fund, or the Miquon School's financial aid fund (any donations to the school made in Emile's name will be directed to financial aid).
With so much love and gratitude,
Steph (& Emile).