Welcome to Ember’s CaringBridge Site
Sign In to Show Your SupportAs we stand at the four-year anniversary of Ember's death, I have to thank God for all the healing he has brought. Through his blessings we can not just endure, but enjoy this life on earth. Our days aren't spent full of sorrow and tears, and even these anniversaries get a little easier.
With those blessings, I admit that sometimes I have the thought, "am I remembering Ember enough? Am I thinking and talking about her as much as I should? Is it wrong to put my mental and emotional energy towards the current good things God has given?" Well, first of all, I'm not sure that there is an appropriate "ought" or "should". But also, a few weeks ago I was looking at pictures from this day in history in 2019, and the memories were just so so painful, I couldn't dwell on them. To be clear, I'm not simply talking about the feelings of loss and grief. That is hard, but there are appropriate times to dedicate to remembering our sweet girl and the life she lived and the joy she brought. Those memories are sad, but sweet, and get easier with the passing years. But there is also the memory of the truly traumatic experience of the eight months leading up to Ember's death. Those memories are mostly not sweet, and I think I need to remember that forgetfulness - of the intensity of those painful times - is also a gift of God. Of course, all those sweet and hard things are mixed together, and that is the reality of our trauma, but reflecting now, we can choose to focus on God's healing, and not the trauma that required healing.
In recent days and weeks, it seems that several friends have come to us with some pretty traumatic life events: death of loved ones; serious accidents; marriages in crisis; personality disorders; unexpected pregnancies/children/adoption. Pretty heavy stuff. And to some degree we are all aware of these types of things because we live in a fallen world. But I also wonder if our friends don't sometimes come to us specifically because we have gone through our own trauma. Even when the trauma is of a very different kind, perhaps some of God's outworking of this experience in our lives is an ability to empathize with others. I just heard a podcast with singer/writer Andrew Peterson in which he said, if your heart is to comfort those who are heartbroken and lonely, then be prepared, because God is going to give you heartbreak and loneliness. There may yet be ways we don't understand that we can bless and comfort others.
Though honestly I feel funny even saying that, because I don't know that I have great advice to give. The truth is that loss, grief, or other trials are very hard and no words can make it all better. But we can at least point to the redeemer of our souls. In Christ, we have sins forgiven, relationships restored, and death swallowed up in victory. We have the guaranteed hope in the life to come. And we have the hope that in this life, though we don't know the specifics, God does love us and will work for our good, often in wonderful healing ways. The secular word gives lots of advice through grief, but no hope - "you'll always be sad, get used to it." The creator of the universe is bigger than that, and I praise Him for it.
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