Hoo boy.

One year ago today my Mom and I arrived in Pittsburgh. 

Eleven months ago this week I was admitted to 9B (BMT Unit) to start chemo.

310 days ago I got my donor cells. 

165 days ago I was diagnosed with lymphoma.

93 days ago I was declared NED/Remission. 

In 2 days (Tuesday) I start my new job as a Hospice Chaplain with the Agnesian Nuns/Agnesian Healthcare. 

In 3 months (September) I begin my last year of seminary, and hopefully a concurrent CPE Residency at my job. 

It's been a bit of a wild year. 

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Last night I tweeted a version of the photo attached to this post, with the caption, "I gotta say - not dying looks good on me. So does this new red lipgloss."

I hope you'll all forgive me a moment of vanity, because while it certainly is that, it's also a celebration of  just how far I've come.  The photo on the left was taken post-transplant in January, and shortly before the Lymphoma occurred. The photo on the right I took yesterday evening. 

A year ago today I could not drive a car or even walk up and down a flight of stairs due to myoclonic jerks, caused by inflammation of my brain and spinal cord. I couldn't breathe fully, nor could my heart pump fluid efficiently, due to inflammation around my lungs and pericardium. I spent at least 10 out of 24 hours a day running a fever, often over 104 degrees. 

Today I'm a full time student, student chaplain, and living in a new home and state with my husband. It seems too good to be true at least half of the time. 

There's a long way to go. There are long term damages to deal with. We have to keep an eye on EBV levels and potential recurrences.  Survivor's guilt is my shadow. I require IVIG on a regular basis.

Yet, it all seems so incredibly, liveable. Not to sound like a textbook, but it's a quality of life thing. I'm no longer surviving, I'm living.

I suppose what I'm trying to say, is that I am thankful. I am thankful for my body, I am thankful for my doctors, I am thankful for my family, I am thankful for my friends, and if you're reading this, you're part of that crew that I'm thankful for.

I'm sure that I'll check in here again when I have something to share, but for now, I'm glad to be signing off without anything "new" to report. 

Peace, 

Ellen