My last Caring Bridge entry.
June was my first round of tests to insure there was no evidence of cancer. Oct/Nov my second round. I am cancer free. As I type this, I remember a wise piece of advice about cancer diagnoses: "People will never be as nice to you as they are when you have cancer, and don't mess that up." (Sarcasm there -- surely). Every and anyone that reads this - and all the amazing other people in my life -- I can only bow my head, fold my hands - and express the strongest gratitude my being has to you.
Last week I lost a friend to a five year battle with cancer. For a brief time - we were on the same cancer infusion regiment -- sharing creative soups that help in the window of time immediately after the chemo cocktail. This summer - neither of us in treatment - me cured; her in a holding pattern. We went on great walks, took a mini hike -- two weeks ago she went into hospice -- and then went into a long sleep. The same feeling that I had when I walked north out of Manhattan on 9/11 hit again. I can't do anything -- I am not suppose to do anything -- I need to do something.
I still do not know what to do. But yesterday I gave up an hour in my day to help two students ---- students that have no discipline, no want to be in school, no really want to do much but toss a ball into a net, sleep, and watch NBA commentaries on cellphones. I was tired after both sessions -- and I have no idea if they learned anything. Is this what I am suppose to do?
Onto our lives - COVID, societal division, frail elderly, winter, laugher, remote holidays, friendships.
I am here for you if and when you need me.