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Amber Diana’s Story
Site created on April 2, 2020
Hello and Welcome to my Caring Bridge website where I talk about Depression and other mental health conditions and how yes they are real and are illnesses that are not only real but affect millions.
I have been dealing with major depressive disorder since I was 12-13 years old and am now going on 36. I have also been dealing with eating disorders since that young age. I have gone through bulimia and now binge eating or nighttime eating syndrome. Yesterday a family member of mine took a photograph of me sitting down, we were sitting outside, I ran inside because I did not recognize myself. I am nearing 300 pounds, when I was younger I weighed not enough and was around 100 pounds. I have been at both ends of the eating disorder spectrum. Both have been extremely hard to live with.
The depression I deal with can be so overwhelming. Last September I overdosed and luckily I did not die but did spend some time in the hospital. I realized my life is worth fighting for and my well-being is important. When I overdosed, I had to have my stomach pumped, and then was intubated and put on a ventilator. I also had restraints put on my hands so I could not hurt myself. When I awoke I was very groggy and confused. I could feel the tube down my throat and I immediately started aspirating. It was a terrifying experience.
Since then I have been working with a new and very helpful psychiatrist who is very caring, kind, compassionate and knowledgeable. Recently in the past couple of months I have also started working with an online therapist. I do believe that traditional in-person counseling is best, but I have many physical conditions I am dealing with, including severe Endometriosis.
Had my total hysterectomy and it did nothing for my physical pain and just has caused me a myriad of emotional pain since it was over. I never thought my major depression could get worse. But it really has. I feel all alone in my depression even though I have a good support system at home. I am now dealing with new health complications/issues.
My weight has gone up and its taking its toll on my body. I am about at a point of no-return according to my doctors.