I have a friend who was talking about a trip she was going to take with friends, and about how she was going to navigate personal boundaries during the trip.  She called it "Swimming in the Boundary Waters" - which is a play on words, as we are only about 10 hours from the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness, which connects to the Canadian Voyageurs National Park.  Lots of space for paddling.  Well - one thing led to another.  Now, whenever we are chatting and any sort of issue comes up where personal boundaries might be an issue, we don't use our words.  Instead, we pretend to be paddling a canoe.  And then we start laughing out loud.  (We are both easily amused. 😁)

So here I sit, in a house situated in La Crosse, WI, that I have loved - and still do love, for that matter.  It is small: less than 735 square feet.  The lot is only 40 feet across - not even wide enough to raise a couple of chickens, given "20 feet from all property lines" city ordinance.  My chickens would have to run up and down the very middle of the yard - and even then would probably be breaking the ordinance by about a foot on either side.  It takes only about 30 minutes to mow the lawn - and that's with numerous empty-ings of the mulch attachment.  It is nestled in a small neighborhood which is composed of 3-4 long blocks.   The 3-4 streets that make up the neighborhood all come off one street, and dead end at the in-city marsh.  I can walk from my neighborhood under a tunnel that goes under a major thoroughfare (Route 16), and I can arrive at Hixon Forest, a park nestled up on the bluffs with plenty of trails for walkers and bike riders, in about 20 minutes.  (Well, didn't expect all of that description to come pouring out - but will trust that it's supposed to be here, as I'm not led to delete it .  I still love this house and its location, obviously. 😉)

My ex-partner rents the house from me, and Maya, my daughter, now lives here with her dad.  With her part-time job at a Fine Arts organization recently turning into full time, she is feeling the need to have her own space - space in which she can be surrounded by her own chaos without her dad's being mixed in. (OK - do you have the visual?  Are you paddling your imaginary canoe through the BOUNDARY waters???? 🤣) 

I was led to support her yearning.  Yesterday, she and I tackled the garage and started going through all sorts of stuff - organizing it, sorting it, making piles of things to keep, things to give away, things to toss, and piles of belongings for me, for her, her dad, and her brother (who uses the garage for working on his motor cycles and other things).  Whew!  I am glad to report that we were successful, and only have a few more things in the larger half of the basement to move, and the cleaning, scouring, and painting can commence! 

I might mention that this was after we tackled her laundry - which needed to be taken to the laundromat (given that the washing machine was on the blink), then brought home, then hung out to dry.  Later in the day, I took down her clothing so that she could keep an appointment.  I finished what I could in the basement, and then threw a small load of clothes (that were resistant to line drying) into the dryer.  Later I pulled them out and put them with the rest of her clothes taken down from the line.

I pondered as I worked yesterday:  Was I getting resentful?  Was I doing what I wanted to be doing?  Yes.  It felt good.  I was happy to be doing what I felt like I was supposed to be doing.  Later that evening, Maya asked, "Can I ask you a favor?"  And I started paddling.  "You can ask - but I'm not sure that I will be able to do it.  I'm pretty beat."  She wanted to know if I could walk the dog the next morning.  I said no, partly because I had a breakfast date with someone, but mostly because I didn't want to do it.  And - I will admit - I was relieved that I had an excuse.  I stopped giving before I became resentful.  And you know what?  I know that is exactly what my daughter would want me to do.  She will ask.  And it's my job to discern whether it's a yes or no - not her job - my job.

My next step for growth?  Being able to say "no" without feeling relieved I've got an excuse...being able to say "no" and/or "yes," and trusting that it is the best decision for the greatest good for all concerned - and that I have discerned an answer by mixing my own feelings into the equation. 

Pull out your oars, my friends.  It's time to start paddling...or, if you are floating, having your oars at the ready.  😊

Love from Me to You -

Deborah