Journal entry by Debby Larimer

was writing my thoughts over the weekend and then WOW, I had the opportunity to get to church yesterday and I was blessed even more. It was nice to get out on a beautiful sunny Sunday, with a hint of Spring in the air with clear skies. We had a guest speaker who was at our church once before. He was one of the original New Boys.  He is from Australia and shared funny, yet captivating thoughts that challenged me and inspired me. I really felt uplifted and encouraged by being in attendance.  I am making my way back into the rooms of my home with the suggestions and help of my therapy, and learning the best ways to work with my strengths.  It is so beautiful to be part of the moment by moment miracles of restoration. Each activity I get through, whether Im finishing a task or just participating gives me a hungry and hope for more. The evidence that I can take on better and more satisfying activities within my home or out in the community helps my confidence. The window of possibilities, with a capital P, is opening.  

Saturday morning, Chris took Emily and I to a mutual friends and stylist’s hair studio.  I got my long hair cut and shaped. Emily got a streak of purple in her hair for Sarcoidosis awareness. This appointment was something we were trying to arrange since before the holidays but beacause I was having more ups and downs it got postponed.  Yet, All things worked together and I got the full salon experience and it could not have gone better. I have been really limited on the places I’m able to go for years. Getting into another home is usually a challenge but we found a way to get into her salon. Even though I’m so hungry to experience more outings, my body reminds me to do it in smaller doses and provide rest and renewal times to pace and rebuild some muscle. Some pain I struggle past, some I can not but I’m gaining more perspective of when I can continue my course with it, or when I need to halt, wait or push.  I feel like I get to do what my central nervous system will allow. I am in a better place right now. 
I have a few appointments coming up next month. I’m eager to see what my care team has to say.
I am thinking of this verse within my soul I feel like I’m dancing as I “rise up” in Spirit.
Song of Solomon 2:11-13(NLT) “Look the winter is past, the rains are over and gone. The flowers are springing up, the season of singing birds has come and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air. The fig trees are forming young fruit, and the fragrant grapevines are blossoming. Rise up, my darling,.....” 
Rise Up, you can Do your best, God will do the rest.
I have begun to recognize that my family needs more confidence at a very tender level, I am 
 praying harder to challenge them and myself to build each one up according that need so we can work on unique significance.  Sometimes I have assumed that they know that they have purpose, worth and the appreciation for their abilities God has given them. But Life beats down hard on us from the time we are born....... One daughter summed it up wisely. She helped me see how life can be just like a puzzle. All the puzzle pieces are all there. Some are harder to put together or find but as you do the searching (or hard work) it begins to come together. I witness how a loving Heavenly Father uses the seeking, searching, and questions along the journey to prepare or equip us.  He does the work with us. He knows the completed and full picture.  He never condemns us for the times we try to fit things together that are incorrect, but wants us to come to His instruction book for life to learn to be a follower. Just like a parent He doesn’t want to force his help or lessons on us. He strengthens our abilities and raises us up in our Spirit. He knows that there is work involved and understands the true desires of our hearts.  God desires that we seek and find relationship in with and withHim..  
The health of my body, my muscles, organs, and  breath in my lungs does not define me, but it is a part of my story, my puzzle and my experiential knowledge. 
God’s healing, miracles and strength that do not always  manifest in my physical body, are teaching me I’m ok right where I’m at. I can strive for more, but Gods wholeness and healing , my life is my contentment right here.
When I spoke to John James (Australian speaker at church on Sunday) he reminded me of my significance in this community is to serve (GIVE BACK) right where I am, right now in whatever capacity.  I can have the assurance that I too am enough. I sometimes hope that others can better understand that you can be challenged, have limitations or have a body with faulty organs or struggles and still be whole.  This also helps me take a grateful peek back and see what I am thankful  for and how faithful  God is.
I see how God is granting many desires of my heart.....to live and heal, to be a part rather than set a part. He is glorified with any stage or page in this journey through my life. There really is a joy in the journey the further a long I get. Lord give me this attitude in tough times and in strength.
I need that absolute surrendering, to give the handlebars to God, relinquishing my plans, my directions for God to show me the straight path he wants me on. My miracles are when I see God move in areas I never imagined. He gave me a “new” heart and new eyes to see his healing now in a fresh new way, putting aside more of the uncertainty. When we seek Him, the healing starts within.  I can not orchestrate the way He can. I don’t have it together, He is putting me [mylife ) together with the truth that comes into sight. All the kernels of truth that the Spirit shows us day to day begin to unfold and fill us with truth that dispel lies we believe from life. He knows when I stumble and reminds me of my need and desire for Him. There is no depth or height that can separate our relationship with God.  Preaching to my heart to bring clarity and understanding to my thoughts.
 Having the strength to join my family and others at church was such a gift.  As I was mingling afterwards, a friend that had moved with her family years ago was there at church yesterday. She had done a short story behind a camera when Hershey had placed me on Hospice. I remember all the conflicting and restless feelings I had just 5 years ago. My pastor at the time told me that I could rest in the fact that “if and when” I would be ready for the Heavenly home, God would give me the peace. I remember resigning at that point to get through each hour, each day with the breath in my lungs and the tools he created in me. It will always be His defining glory I am striving for.  I had to resolve that God loved my children, my loved ones more than I could or even imagine.. I had to accept He does care for my family and He will be the director of the path, I take comfort in knowing God is in control and I can only respond to His truth, I’m sometimes blessed in a process, but He gets the glory.  
Why does God allow all of our struggles, whether physical, mentally, spiritually?  He is glorified. (I find this both comforting and confusing but sovereignty is not something the human mind wraps around.  It doesnt feel light and momentary during our pain, yet we know God will make us completely whole in our heavenly home. It’s hard to be patient in suffering, when you are waiting, hoping and believing. I have to trust that a life of disability with Jesus is infinitely better than a healthy body without Him.

“this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” 2 Cor 4:17

Patient in suffering. James 5:7-12
.”Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door! Brothers and sisters, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.”

 Now I want to rejoice that I can be present to witness Gods masterpiece in each of my adult children. I know God has healed them and will continue to extend His mercies!
Emily had an encouraging weekend. She has sold some of her paintings. This encouragement lifted her spirit. She reminded me that it is God working through her and the joy it brings her. We made a page and calls her collective art...God’s Artisic Poiema (Greek for masterpiece or handiwork). Yesterday she rode her bike to Emmaus to go to the bank. The simple success of this really encouraged her. She expanded her territory
Geoff had his additional sleep test this past week and they equipped him with his bi pap machine. The adjustment has been going OK. The first night was a bit of a struggle for him to get used to it, but he is tackling it well. I hope he notices a difference. He has a good attitude. He is looking right now for a new men’s fellowship and support group to participate in.
Britt is looking into classes at the community and has gone through some of the steps. Maybe next Fall. She would love to pursue being a librarian. She has done well as a worker and I’m excited to see what God has in store. She is still interested in the missionary trip.  A friend took her to Kutztown to complete the passport process. 
Jenn is learning some valuable lessons and her growth and strong determination is something I have been blessed to watch for about 28 years of her life.  She will get some of her extractions started this upcoming week. She is making it through crazy, unnerving pain with a schedule on otc pain meds that were suggested. She began this quest for dental help in late summer last year.  She met this new oral surgeon around Christmas and it was postponed once due to a surgeons illness.  She will probably wear her crown from Night to Shine to her surgery, because she still wears it as a reminder of being part of this evening. w
God thank you for rewriting my history, with His story. Use me, guide me with your grace. Take my questions, any confusion lies from experiences and heal me according to your timetable. I want more of you and much less of me and my insecurities.  God clear my thoughts and grant me rest. Give me the strength for tomorrow.

Thank you, my friends for the co-passion and compassion you extend to me on this journey 

These songs below have been so helpful to me lately.

O For a Thousand Tongues To Sing 
By Charles Wesley
 7th verses 

. O For a thousand tongues to sing 
My dear Redeemer's praise! 
The glories of my God and King, 
The triumphs of His grace!

8th

My gracious Master and my God, 
Assist me to proclaim, 
To spread through all the world abroad
The honors of Thy name.


Great Are You Lord
You give life, You are love
You bring light to the darkness
You give hope, You restore
Every heart that is broken
Great are You, Lord
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
We pour out our praise
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise to You only
you give life, You are love
You bring light to the darkness
You give hope, You restore
Every heart that is broken
Great are You, Lord
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
We pour out our praise
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise to You only
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
We pour out our praise
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise to You only
And all the earth will shout Your praise
Our hearts will cry, these bones will sing
Great are You, Lord
And dll the earth will shout Your praise
Our hearts will cry, these bones will sing
Great are You, Lord
And all the earth will shout Your praise
Our hearts will cry, these bones will sing
Great are You, Lord
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
We pour out our praise
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
To You only
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
We pour out our praise
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
To You only
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: David Leonard / Jason Ingram / Leslie Jordan
Great Are You Lord lyrics © Essential Music Publishing, Capitol Christian Music Group



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