Journal entry by Debbie Leoni —
Dear Friends and Family,
Well, I'm sitting here this morning with my tea feeling incredibly humbled and blessed.
This past week has been exceptionally volatile from an emotional perspective: the anticipation of the release of the book I co-authored for one. The excitement and anxiety over it becoming a best seller had me all over the place with emotion. And being notified that we made it as an Amazon #1 Bestseller in several categories felt extraordinary.
This, coupled with the anticipation of my CT scan results..well, let's just say that my typical 8 hour sleep cycle was interrupted to say the least.
Fear was by my side throughout. Of course! My favorite topic; fear! My BFF, sort of.
I'm fascinated with the realization that with all the work I've done focusing on how to use my fear versus it using me and coaching others towards the same, I'm still and always will be human. There will be times when my fear will move into the driver's seat.
Several times this week, I became aggravated with myself. I would go into that negative mental chatter of, "Debbie, you shouldn't be so anxious. You are trained to overcome your fear. Stop being such an anxiety ridden weakling. Chill." And then I'd start to make plans for my funeral.
Ha! I know that dialogue so well.
Will I ever get this? Will I ever learn to let go of outcomes and instead trust in whatever unfolds in my life? Is this volatility happening because I came here to be challenged in ways that I never imagined?
I guess I don't need to know the answers to these questions. I'd rather continue to sit here feeling this humility, the rawness of my humanity, and the purpose of it all. I'd rather reflect on the blessings that this week has brought me.
Oh, did I mention that I'm cancer free?
It's been 9 months since this c word appeared in my life and oh, how it's changed my life! I don't think I've ever felt so loved in my entire life as I have since 2/9/19. My heart has expanded a hundredfold because of it. My ability to live in gratitude is more than ever. And I love myself and others more than ever. I've said "Thank you" more than ever and the words just don't seem like enough.
My request today is that you sit for just a minute, close your eyes, and instead of hearing my words "Thank you," bring your attention into your heart space, imagine opening up this heart space, and receiving my love coming from my heart to yours. It's real. Anything but love isn't real. And then let my love expand into every cell of your body, so much that it radiates outside of your body and into everyone in your life.
I thank God for my life. I thank God that you are in my life.
With humble gratitude,
Debbie
Well, I'm sitting here this morning with my tea feeling incredibly humbled and blessed.
This past week has been exceptionally volatile from an emotional perspective: the anticipation of the release of the book I co-authored for one. The excitement and anxiety over it becoming a best seller had me all over the place with emotion. And being notified that we made it as an Amazon #1 Bestseller in several categories felt extraordinary.
This, coupled with the anticipation of my CT scan results..well, let's just say that my typical 8 hour sleep cycle was interrupted to say the least.
Fear was by my side throughout. Of course! My favorite topic; fear! My BFF, sort of.
I'm fascinated with the realization that with all the work I've done focusing on how to use my fear versus it using me and coaching others towards the same, I'm still and always will be human. There will be times when my fear will move into the driver's seat.
Several times this week, I became aggravated with myself. I would go into that negative mental chatter of, "Debbie, you shouldn't be so anxious. You are trained to overcome your fear. Stop being such an anxiety ridden weakling. Chill." And then I'd start to make plans for my funeral.
Ha! I know that dialogue so well.
Will I ever get this? Will I ever learn to let go of outcomes and instead trust in whatever unfolds in my life? Is this volatility happening because I came here to be challenged in ways that I never imagined?
I guess I don't need to know the answers to these questions. I'd rather continue to sit here feeling this humility, the rawness of my humanity, and the purpose of it all. I'd rather reflect on the blessings that this week has brought me.
Oh, did I mention that I'm cancer free?
It's been 9 months since this c word appeared in my life and oh, how it's changed my life! I don't think I've ever felt so loved in my entire life as I have since 2/9/19. My heart has expanded a hundredfold because of it. My ability to live in gratitude is more than ever. And I love myself and others more than ever. I've said "Thank you" more than ever and the words just don't seem like enough.
My request today is that you sit for just a minute, close your eyes, and instead of hearing my words "Thank you," bring your attention into your heart space, imagine opening up this heart space, and receiving my love coming from my heart to yours. It's real. Anything but love isn't real. And then let my love expand into every cell of your body, so much that it radiates outside of your body and into everyone in your life.
I thank God for my life. I thank God that you are in my life.
With humble gratitude,
Debbie
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