Dean's service was exactly as we had envisioned. Such an honor to him in so many different ways. As hard as that evening was, we all left with an amazing peace. We knew he was proud of us and we were more than proud of the man he was. I think the truest statement was that Dean not only taught us how to live but also taught us how to die. With amazing gratitude and grace. Thank you for the kind words and hugs that night. Our tears flowed as we knew they would. Dean made us such a strong tight family, that our closeness for each other carried us thru that evening and it will continue to do so as we learn to heal our very broken hearts. Thank you for holding our family so close in your hearts and prayers, we are very fortunate to be surrounded by your love!
I knew that one day I would write the last Caring Bridge post as I am doing right now. And that it would be so hard, as it is right now. It just means my sweet Dean is in Heaven and I no longer need to update you as to how he is doing. Know he is well and happy from now on. Know he was happy and loved (if not smothered) until he took that last breath here on earth. We have been an open book on here since 2009. But because of that, we have been lifted up time after time by you. It's been a long road of ups and downs. Thank you for hanging with us and cheering us along as we celebrated as well as cried. It really meant the world to know you were there. I hope one day I can help you just a fraction as you have helped our family. Know we love you!
While I would prefer to just stay in my yoga pants and one of Dean's t-shirts and stay in bed all day, I know Dean would not want that. So, I will try and be the person he was always proud of. One day at a time. It is a huge healing process for all of us, and I know it will not be easy nor fast. I will try and make him proud. I am not sure what that means, just because I am not sure how to do life without him. I only know how to be us, not me. But I know I will figure it out in due time, with God's grace and Dean's spirit guiding me.
In true Pitts fashion we will once again ask for prayers. Unfortunately, about 15 minutes before walking out to Dean's service I got news that my sweet sweet Dad (PaPa) was in the ER. My brother James was with him. Our hearts broke. We knew he was okay, but did not know what was wrong. We now know that he has pneumonia and is being treated until mid next week at the hospital. His heart broke that he was not at Dean's service, as he loved him like a son. Many of you noticed that he was not there and asked if he was okay. Please pray for Dad's healing. Also prayers for myself and the kids. We feel strong at times and then we just crumble. Pray that I can be strong for the kids. I am trying. They are amazing and doing just as they promised their Dad to protect me and love on me as they did him. This house has been so full of love and they are here all the time just as they were loving on Dean. I am grateful.
Again, know you are loved by Team Pitts!
Three things we loved:
~ The night Dean passed we got a call from the hospital about Dean being an organ donor. The hardest hour for sure, but the boys sat on either side of me and rubbed my back as I answered tough questions that they needed. Half way thru the interview process I did not know if I could continue, but we all knew that Dean would want nothing more than to help somebody else in need. Dean was able to donate his corneas to somebody who needed them. He would be so happy. An extra blessing.
~ Dean's sweet Mom. The boys and a dear friend, Gary, delivered the hard news to Dean's parents of Dean's passing. A very hard moment in time of course. But even with her dementia, she kept being worried about me! She asked them how I was. Every call they placed or visits with them she asked about me. At the service she asked the boys how I was. Then as she came to me in the family room, she was so kind. She just held my hand and told me that we could do this together. She's an amazing woman, and Dean was lucky to have her as a Mom. We will continue to love on Dean's parents as he would want us to.
~ The peace we all felt after Dean's service. Before, we were so broken. Our hearts were just racing as we as a family walked without Dean by our side out to his service. When those doors opened it was hard to breathe. We all held hands and took a deep breath. But after the last person hugged our necks and left and we all sat on the sofa in the quiet family room... we truly all had such an amazing peace and happiness fill the space. Our hearts were happy that night, and we fell asleep with such love in our hearts. We knew Dean was with us. It felt so good.
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