Well, let me tell you….I know exactly what it means now! Because, I blinked and three years have passed! 

These last three years have brought me the longest days of my life and the shortest years. They have given me sadness and heartbreak, but I’ve also seen triumph and witnessed miracles. I’ve have seen strength from my son that is unimaginable. His fight, determination and his joyful soul is an inspiration to me and so many others daily!

Why were we given such an amazing gift? Out of all the babies with David’s condition that don’t survive, why did He choose my David? Why did He choose us? Shamefully, I don’t think I quite appreciated the gift of my sweet boy right from the beginning. It was all so clouded with diagnoses, learning, and to be honest,  just working our butts off to get through another day. Countless hospital stays, and weekly appointments. We didn’t know a thing about dialysis, cerebral palsy, blindness and so many other challenges. The exhaustion, anxiety, and worries took over. There are so many days that I already don’t remember. 

While Brad and I were talking last night, he asked me if I remembered anything about the day before David was born. I can’t remember a thing and neither could he. It’s almost like our lives reset on 4/9/19. 

But that day….that day will be burned into my mind for eternity.

 I remember my doctor’s face as she looked at the ultrasound screen and feverently moved the ultrasound wand all over my belly looking for a heartbeat. I remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach when my eyes met hers- mom to mom, and a silent nod when she wasn’t a doctor for a moment and just a mom like me. Sympathizing. A quiet understanding of what was going to happen. I remember calling my dad and telling him to get mom and get to the hospital.  I remember having to let go of Brad’s hand and being wheeled down a long, sterile, white hallway to the delivery room. His eyes meeting mine and him telling me he loved me. A love so deep as I know he would have traded places with me if he could have.  I remember the silence in the delivery room when David was pulled out of me. The tug and the pull and the silence. I remember the minutes that seemed like hours when we were waiting for the transport team to bring David in for me to get my first touch of his hand and smell of his sweet head. I remember thinking to myself that I couldn’t ever forget that touch or smell, because I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get that chance again. I remember the drop of holy water drip down his face as my uncle baptized him. He was touched by God. That was so important to me. I remember looking over at Brad, who’s face was filled with worry and uncertainty. A face that I would normally look to for comfort, was just as confused and scared as I was. I remember our parents, my uncle, and my brother standing by stoic and somber. An awkward silence broken by my intermittent sobbing. I remember looking into my moms eyes as she quietly understood and then held my hand and prayed. I remember hearing the click of a camera as my friend Mandy was there to document every second of David’s life. I wanted every picture I could have of him. 

And then he was gone. Wheeled away just as quick as he came. “David is a very sick boy.”. The words from the doctor who was explaining things to us after he was transported and we were left alone in a recovery room. I can remember her face but I never heard a word she said after that. 

Things were grim. 

But then, the night came and he made it through. Then the next day came, and he made it. And by day three as we witnessed David’s first miracle, he was breathing room air. That’s when I knew. That’s when I knew everyone was wrong. That’s when I knew that going through the Amnioinfusion process to get him to birth was the right decision for us.  This tiny 4lb baby, that had tubes and wires completely covering his tiny body was going to fight! Brad and I had said from the beginning that we handed it over to God and if David was going to fight, we would fight for him. He gave us enough hope everyday to keep pushing through. He has taught US so much. 

I think it’s safe to say that over the last three years, we’ve all seen his fight. We’ve all witnessed His miracles and I know now why he’s here. 

He was chosen.

He’s here because he was meant to be here and to show us all what strength is, and what hope means. From what I’ve learned over the past three years two of the most important things in life. These days David is doing well! After his transplant in December, his new kidney is working great, his therapies have him moving towards new goals, and we are on track to start preschool in the fall. He loves music, his siblings, his pups, and chatting with everyone. He brings a smile with him wherever he goes and can change a bad day to good just by being with him. His strength is intimidating at times and makes you look at the world and life in a completely different way. A way that has changed my life for the good. I appreciate everyday with my family. We are so incredibly blessed! 

Today, my tiny miracle is THREE! He is thriving, happy, and we are going to spend the day snuggling, learning, and singing Happy Birthday! 

The days are long and the years are short. Don’t blink, and always remember- If God puts a Goliath in front of you, there must be a David inside of you! 

Happy 3rd birthday David Matthew Detwiler!