Today was the day that I said my final goodbye to David's physical body. It was my private way to honor David. He was cremated this morning. I feel good about my closure and the way I have handled his death. Accepting "what is" has been the most difficult thing I've ever done. I miss him so much. Often I feel like I have been kicked in the gut with some intense emotion of loss. I am slowly and carefully moving forward with my life doing my best to actively participate fully in living. I know he would want that for me and it's hard. I am regularly reminding myself that I do hard stuff. 

There's much to be grateful for with all the people who have stepped up to help me in numerous ways from the people who have come in from out of town to the people who have listened to my pain on walks and to the numerous people who have helped me in small and big ways. Thanks to each of you. I feel fortunate. Several of you have expressed how you are going out of your way to let your partners know how precious they are to you. I feel honored that David and I were able to remind you of the importance of verbalizing and showing your love. Life is short and you never know when you will be thrown a curveball. 

The Family Constellations workshop was an excellent beginning for processing my grief. My grief is an ongoing process that will take time and effort. Thanks to a very generous connection from my friend of 50 years, Michael Putman, I will be working with Peg Armstrong starting on 7/8/21. She's the grief expert that I shared her interview earlier about how to talk to someone dying. I am looking forward to her holding my hand in this unknown territory. I don't know how to be a widow. Slowly and carefully I will learn.