David's regular oncologist, Dr. McFarland, happened to be on call at the hospital--thank God--so we were able to meet with him Tuesday morning. The news was not good. The cancer is progressing. The Lynparza has not or at least not adequately helped and has been discontinued. Worse, David is now too weak for any other chemo, so all treatment has been stopped and home hospice has begun. Much worse, Dr. McFarland does not expect David to make it even until Christmas. He predicts four to six weeks more at best. He always reminds us he would love to be proven wrong, but I know he's been doing this a long time.
I was able to bring David home from the hospital late Tuesday afternoon, and the meetings and equipment deliveries from hospice took up Tuesday evening and much of yesterday. Worst of all, the hospice nurse told me (not David) that based on her first impression of David's condition (and years of experience), I should prepare myself for the timeline to be on the short end, or even shorter, than Dr. McFarland suggested. Our hearts are breaking, as you may imagine.
My two biggest fears have been that David's pain would be unbearable toward the end or that he would have a sensation of suffocation due to the lung issues. Both Dr. McFarland and Tonya, David's hospice nurse, assure me that neither will happen. His pain will not necessarily increase much and even if it increases some, hospice is very good at managing pain. As far as the lungs, a more powerful oxygen concentrator has been delivered that will take care of his oxygen needs. As he nears the end, he will sleep more and eat/drink less, but he will be at peace. That is our prayer now.
Of course, we would LOVE a last-minute complete healing, but it appears that will be happening in heaven not here on earth. I take comfort in knowing his suffering will be over and he will be in the perfect presence of God and away from all the evil, hatred, and random tragedy that are so prevalent in our world these days.
We are sustained as well by your kind thoughts and prayers. Your supportive comments here on CaringBridge, emails and cards are always appreciated. I'm afraid phone calls and/or visits are not manageable at this time. Thank you for understanding. What a gift it is to know how many of you hold my beloved David in your hearts and minds. It has been, and continues to be, a joy and a privilege to share my life with this dear man.