March 6, 2018 I was entering the security line at the Phoenix Arizona airport to fly back home to Kansas.  My husband was calling, I picked up.  I stood in line with my ID and boarding pass in hand and began to sob huge tears.  I was not prepared for what I was hearing, my husband, Danny, just told me he may have throat cancer.  I saw the amazing life we created together crashing down.   I tried to hide my tears but I gave up.

I had recently told Danny he needed to have a checkup.  My husband’s brother, who is four years younger than him, had just gone through triple bypass surgery, after we weathered that storm I looked at my husband and said “now it’s your turn.”  It was his time for a checkup and surprisingly he didn’t protest.  Shortly after the turn of 2018 we’d noticed Danny’s voice had changed.  As part of the check up I wanted to find out what was the cause of his voice change but never thought for a second what caused it.  When I got the news that it could be cancer, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  But shortly thereafter sitting on the plane ready to take off my brain did a complete 180 degree turn, I would not even consider the ramifications.  I would not consider even one thought of this taking the man of my dreams from me, I would not let that poison in my mind.  This scripture came to mind: “I have the peace that passes all understanding.” Philippians 4:7.  I knew we were safe in God’s hands.

In late March 2018 the doctors tried to remove the tumor that had emerged on his vocal cords but they were not able to get it all and took a biopsy.  The first thing the doctor told me after coming out of surgery that it may be cancer.  If that’s what the doctor chose to tell me, then he obviously was preparing me.  We waited but the diagnosis came, stage 1 throat cancer.  About a month later Danny started his radiation treatments, he drove 90 miles to get a treatment that lasted less than one minute then turned around and drove another 90 miles home for the next 28 days.  I knew my husband, my life, was strong but I was not prepared for the strength he exhibited.   The night owl that usually comes to bed at 4 am and maybe sees noon was now going to get up at 8 am every day.  Not one time did he complain, not one time did he bemoan his situation, not one time did he ask “why me”.  

The first two weeks of radiation there was little change but progressively he had pain, trouble eating, trouble speaking.  The radiation broke the skin on his neck down so bad he had trouble turning his head and had to wear a handkerchief around his neck to protect it from dirt.  Finally he spoke in a whisper, lost 20 pounds but never complained.  He exhibited a strength, reserve and calm I didn’t know was humanly possible, I didn’t think it was possible to love or respect him more.   This man is the greatest man I’ve ever known, he stepped into the void in my daughter Chelsea’s life, became the father he didn’t have to be, that she never had and he loves her unconditionally.  He’s also became the grandfather of “our” grandson Jackson who can’t hide that he worships him.  He’s always been an amazing and loving example to his sons Dustin and Ryan.  

Danny completed radiation June 15, 2018 in July he was examined by the ear, nose and throat doctor and given the all clear.  He had beaten the cancer.  Again I was out of town, when he told me he was cancer free on the phone I made him repeat it to make sure I heard it right because my mind was spinning.  Grateful isn’t a big enough word.  One of the doctors thought the cancer was a product of second hand smoke or it could be a result of acid re flux.  As Danny now approaches one year cancer free and on this Father’s Day, I don’t know what caused the cancer it but I know what healed him, it was Him.

In my opinion the two questions most people ask, whether to their God or to the universe, is:

1.      What is my purpose in life?

2.       Why is there so much pain in this world?

At first glance those are two separate questions however they are intertwined.  God has a purpose for everyone, there will be some pain in which to grow from but God gives us free will.  He gives us free will to choose God, free will to choose good over bad and free will in every way.  Therefore there will be pain.  He even gave us the free will to nail the Son of Man on a cross.  God is a gentleman, he knocks and you get to choose if you will answer.   Sadness and pain is as much a part of this life as happiness is, it is the fallen world we live in and the one He saved us from with His blood.

I have read several books on near death experiences, the more I read the more I’m changed:

1.       Proof of Heaven, Eben Alexander – profoundly changed my life.  A neurosurgeon had a near death experience and came back to review his medical records.  There is no one more qualified to testify to what he experienced as the records said he had absolutely NO brain activity.  Therefore what he experienced could only be God and a heaven that is beyond description!  The ending of this book gave me chills and the peace he experienced in heaven makes living in this world tolerable.

2.       The Map of Heaven, Eben Alexander – is very clinical as he is a brain surgeon but he listed numerous near death experiences of other people which left me in tears.

3.       Waking Up in Heaven, & Chasing Heaven, Crystal McVea – the incredible peace she immediately felt after dying made leaving her husband, children and family worth leaving this world.

4.       Embraced by the Light, Betty J. Eadie – this book confirmed what I always believed, at death which may be extremely painful for some, our spirit leaves the body before the pain settles in and we receive God’s peace long before our body leaves this world.  It was also revealed to her by God how our purposes in life intertwine, how even the homeless man on the street has a purpose to influence those that can change homelessness for others.  And how we before our time on earth we are given the chance by God to choose our life and the impact it will have on others. Birth erases our memory of this choice until we are reunited with God.  We choose what we know may be hard but we know it has value, can lead others to the Lord and the time we spend on earth is a blip of time in eternity.  This book has a stunning amazing amount of information.

Romans 8:18 – “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

Matthew 28:18-20 – “Jesus approached and breaking the silence said to them “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me.  Go then and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them into the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Teaching them to observe everything that I have commanded you and behold I am with you all the days to the close and consummation of the age. Amen.”

Therefore our purpose and pain draw us closer to God and brings others along for an amazing ride.

I love you Dano!  Thank you everyone for your prayers, they worked!!

Lynn