Hello friends, 

Well it's been a little over a week since Daniel died and it still doesn't feel real. I am catching myself daily heading over to his bed to check on him, telling Emersyn to not get loud, even sitting up during the night because I think I heard one of his machines beeping. I don't know when this will stop but I am sure that it will be quite a while. 

I have his ashes back home and that has made me more settled. I'm not sure why because I know where he is and I know that those are just the remains of his empty body but it's like having another piece of him back where it belongs. If you haven't been able to tell during this journey my sense of humor is a bit off color. I laugh at things most wouldn't and if it's between crying or laughing I will always default to laughter. So when the funeral home called and said I could come and pick up the urn and his ashes I rang my mom. I got her when I told her that Daniel needed a ride and did she want to take me to pick him up! It took her a moment to process and then she laughed and I think told me I was wrong for that. Yet, that would have made Daniel giggle and so it felt appropriate and made me smile.

We opted not to have a traditional viewing and funeral. That's just not something Daniel nor I wanted. One of the things that makes it even more "Daniel" is that years ago before his aneurysm when we were talking about funerals one of the reasons he gave for disliking them was because he would feel guilty making people come out on a work night for a visitation and then know they would have to take off work to attend the funeral. Just the thought of that sent him into what if's and why he wouldn't want to "put anyone out" to attend one of our funerals. God I love that man. Even thinking of others when talking about his own funeral. So will be having a Celebration of Life this coming Saturday. 

Funerals to me are full of grief, goodbye and sadness. Dreary and quiet affairs where children are hushed and everyone whispers; usually about each other and not the person who has died. That won't do for Daniel. I want to celebrate the life he lived! I am constantly sad and 30 times a day my heart breaks when I realize he is gone but I want to take that day to remember all the reasons why I miss him so much. I want to smile when I say his name. I want him to hear the funny stories and the wonderful memories that people will share. I want to laugh and miss him instead of cry and miss him. Nothing in this world would make him more upset then to know we are down here crying quietly surrounded by stinking carnations (he didn't like them at all) It would break his heart more knowing he was the reason, the cause of those sad things. So we will celebrate that we were lucky enough to have him in our lives and that in some way big or small he touched us and we will carry that with us. We would love you to join us. So bring your tissue if you must and my hope is that while we talk, share and laugh with one another about Daniel, your sad tears will turn into laughter tears.

Daniel would want to leave you with one more happy memory about him.

Love you all and hope to see you Saturday ~ Amanda & Daniel

Meal Train for the family
GoFundMe - for remaining medical bills

Daniel's Obituary & Service info can be found here. McKoon Funeral Home & Crematorium