Journal entry by Danielle Marois

I have decided to go forward with the surgery to strengthen my broken vertebra, and it is now scheduled for this coming Friday, June 28th.  This was the first date Dr. Fixit had available, but I already had a MRI and mammogram scheduled for that day.  So I ended up rescheduling the MRI for July 8th, and the earliest I could get the mammogram was July 30th.  I'll talk to Dr. Awesome on Monday to see if this is acceptable or if she can have them get me in sooner.
I feel settled in the decision to have the surgery, and I feel fairly certain that it is the right thing to do.  This helps me to feel more confident, although I am still dreading being awake for the procedure.  It should only take about an hour, so it helps to know that I will only need to hang in there for a limited amount of time.
Back in November I was only partially sedated during a bone biopsy, and I was definitely aware of what was happening (Aaaaagggghhhhh you just took a piece of my bone!!!) and could feel pain, so I have a reasonable idea of what this may be like.  I think this knowledge is not helping!  However in the past I have endured two root canals without novocaine, not to mention child birth, so this should be a piece of cake. Right? Right?  That's what I'm trying to tell myself anyway. 
I will report to the hospital at noon on the 28th, and surgery will be at 1pm. They told me to pack a bag in case I have to spend the night in the hospital, but if everything goes very well they will just keep me there for a few hours after the surgery for observation, and then I will get to go home. 
While I wait for this whole ordeal to be behind me, I am trying to plan plenty of distractions for this coming week, and I'm trying to figure out a way to get through Friday morning, as I wait to have the surgery, without having a panic attack.  It will just be hard.  There's no getting around that.  But I'm trying to plan some fun things before and after the procedure so I can focus more on happy things than on dreadful ones. On the day I made the appointment for the surgery, I got to go to opening night of Cirque du Soleil, and that proved to be a terrific distraction.  It was amazing, and we even got to go backstage after the show! 
The other thing that I think will help me is to focus on the benefits of having a repaired spine:  I won't have to always worry about the vertebral body collapsing, and I will be able to lift things again. Please just pray that everything goes exactly as it is supposed to and that I would have peace throughout this week and especially on Friday morning. I hate being afraid. 
Thank you so much for standing with me in the hard times and supporting me in so many ways. It truly makes an incredible difference. I am so grateful. ❤ And at this time next week I may be quite uncomfortable, but the hardest part will be over, and that is a happy thought. 
Love to you all, 
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