Journal

I want to wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving!!  I am deeply thankful for you, my spectacular community of support, and I am thanking God for providing everything I have needed along this difficult road.  

I'm heading out to a treatment session in a couple of hours, but I'm squeezing in a little baking this morning, and I'm planning a nice, relaxing evening.  So despite having to get treatment today, I am determined to enjoy this wonderful holiday weekend! 

Please pray for me if you get a chance in the midst of all your holiday preparations!  I have to take a needle in the stomach today, so I could definitely use some love coming my way!  I am also hoping to recover relatively quickly so I can participate in all the festivities I have planned with my family.  But right now, more baking to distract me! 

Love you all! Warmest wishes for a happy, happy Thanksgiving!

xoxo,
Danielle

It's another anniversary. One year ago today I received my full diagnosis of inflammatory breast cancer:  Invasive ductal carcinoma, metastatic to the bone.  In other words, stage IV.  Boo.  

I got through another treatment session this week, blood work, and an appointment with Doctor Awesome.  She continues to be "very pleased" with my progress and I have several great updates to share!  

It has already been six months since my last CT scan and bone scan, so ordinarily I would be due for those now. However, Doc Awesome is cutting me some slack in that department because each time she sees me, my exams reveal that I am getting better and better.  So she is letting me put off the next scans until after the holidays- probably mid-January. What a gift! Dr. Fixit will also be looking for those CT scan results so he can check on my spine several months post-surgery. 

Because progress has been steady, for the first time now, I will go three months without seeing Dr. Awesome.  And this will be the deal from now on: Excluding special circumstances, I will see her only four times a year. The treatment sessions every four weeks are easier to endure when the oncology follow-up appointment isn't tacked on too, so this is happy news.  We are definitely achieving the goal of getting the cancer to a boring state! 

Another astonishingly positive update is that I will only need mammograms on an annual basis from here on out! Like a normal person! (You know, a normal person age 40 or over... But whatever, I won't quibble.) While it is possible that this could change and Dr. Awesome could determine I need one sooner, and I will certainly have scans at least a few times a year, this felt like a major win to me.  We are managing the cancer in a much more predictable rhythm now, compared to the frantic, putting-out-threatening-fires phase we were in several months ago.  

She also pointed out that my blood work has been rock solid for just about a year now, so we can back off even more on the frequency with which I have those appointments.  It still shocks and delights me that my cell counts are terrific even after being on a chemo pill for almost a year.  After my December blood work (which I need to have before the scans) it will only be necessary to have a blood draw about once every three months.  I am so grateful for all of these small victories that add up to a great time of rest!!  

There is much to be grateful for, but of course there are always ups and downs and unforeseeable challenges.  I had pretty disconcerting pain earlier last month that my doctors are aware of and want me to monitor, but that has thankfully subsided.  Additionally my energy levels fluctuate, side effects get the better of me sometimes, and I get frustrated with my limitations.  But even in these challenges there are slow, steady improvements, and the overall trend is extremely encouraging. 

Next week I will be marking the one year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. Amazing, everything that has gone down in the past year.  I will be celebrating survival and my very good quality of life and hope for the future.  It's such a strange, bittersweet time.  

I want to thank you for the encouraging notes and other kindnesses many of you have shown in the past month. Each one means so much to me and helps me get through the discouraging days. often it is all too huge to process and every once in a while I am utterly stunned anew that this is what my little family is dealing with.  But each gesture of love is very big to me too.  Each night when my son says his bedtime prayers he asks God to take away Mommy's cancer, and I believe that God is answering that sweet prayer a little bit every day.  Thank you for joining in that prayer, for holding me up, and for being light and sustenance in my life. 

Love to all my dear ones,
Danielle

P.S. My brain is SUPER fuzzy today- the writing struggle is real. I apologize for any clumsy wording or lack of clarity!

For anyone affected by breast cancer, and those of us with stage IV breast cancer, this is especially hopeful. For stage IV patients, active treatment will not end until there is a cure. I have hope that the money raised this month will fund the research that will make defeating breast cancer possible for me and anyone whose life has been shaken by the disease. 

I know it has been a while since I've last posted, but as many times as I try to create a journal entry while I'm not in the thick of appointments, I never seem to be able to finish one.  It's like my mind is demanding a break from thinking about all of this while my body has a break. So here we are, already in October, and I'm recovering from treatment that I had yesterday.

Living appointment-free for a while is awesome.  It's like I can almost forget that I have cancer, and I truly enjoy having that space. I realized just how much of a mental vacation I had been enjoying when, yesterday at the cancer center, I started to have a bit of an anxiety attack in the stairwell on my way up to the third floor where the infusion center is located.  I found myself leaning against a wall in the stairwell wondering aloud, "Why am I soo anxious??" At that point we realized that while they had given me something to alleviate some of the anxiety- a pill that I pop religiously right before a difficult appointment- I had completely forgotten about it and so I didn't take it that morning. It never even occurred to me. I had mixed feelings about this.  On the one hand I was pretty happy that I had been thinking of the unpleasant things so little that I totally forgot about my typical "manage the stress" routine.  On the other hand I probably had a wild glint in my eye wishing I could take the edge off the rising panic.  But as it turns out, I ultimately did fine without any help from pharmaceuticals, and that felt like a triumph. I left feeling exhausted but relieved. This was my 12th treatment session, since we are coming up on a year from my diagnosis, and in retrospect I am glad that things turned out yesterday the way they did.  

I had my appointment with Dr. Awesome today, and since I hadn't seen her in a couple of months we had a lot to go over.  But everything was very positive, and she continues to be very pleased with my progress!

Before this week I hadn't had bloodwork since June, but my numbers still look great, so I can go another two months without a blood test! Yay!! Additionally I can continue to see Dr. Awesome just once every other month since things are going so well, and of course my treatment schedule will remain the same.

Dr. Awesome seemed so chill today, like we have this thing totally under control and we're just doing routine check-ins now. It felt a little different to me this time, and I'm so grateful. Some of the stress associated with simply being present in the cancer center dissipates a bit when I am feeling secure in my progress. 

The thing that made me happiest today was Dr. Awesome mentioning that I will not need to have any more imaging done until after the new year!! 🎉  That is an indication of how well my treatment is working- and I will be able to enjoy the entire holiday season without having to gear up for scans!! 

After my next round of injections, I do have treatment scheduled for the day before Halloween, the day before Thanksgiving, and on Christmas Eve, with a couple of blood tests sprinkled in there. But even so it's not a jam-packed "cancer stuff" schedule in which I'll feel that I always have to drag myself to places I don't want to go. And after an appointment tomorrow, I won't have another cancer-related blot on the calendar for the next 3.5 weeks!! That feels completely freeing. I'm thanking God, planning great ways to unwind, and reflecting on how far we have come. 

I'll be taking it easy for the next couple days as I wait for the soreness from my injections to subside. But my spirits are up, and I'm so very thankful that no matter what may come later, I am well and thriving right now. Thank you all for your prayers for my continued healing. I depend upon them, and I love you so. 

Xoxo,
Danielle

I have enjoyed my time off from medical appointments, and I'm now heading into a week of five or so coming up:  Bloodwork, oncologist, treatment, etc. The usual suspects.  However I feel refreshed and ready to tackle these after having had a breather, and it looks like I'll even have *another* small break after this intense week in Cancerland.  It seems like we're balancing out now since I've turned the corner in getting the disease suppressed and more under control! And the hard appointments are definitely easier to get through when there's another break already in sight. 

I should be heading into an autumn of longer stretches of time in between appointments and more emphasis on the normal activities of life.  What a tremendous relief! Back in the winter and spring it felt as though cancer was always sitting in my lap, right in front of my face, demanding my constant attention. Now, with stretches of "normal" becoming more frequent, cancer is giving me some space. It has climbed out of my lap and is sulking in the corner, feeling neglected. Good riddance!!

I'll keep you posted on my appointments coming up, and in the meantime I hope you all have a lovely Labor Day Weekend! Thanks as always for your tireless support and care. Hugs to you! 
❤ Danielle

Guess what, my dear ones? Dr. Fixit is letting me off the hook!!