I wanted to put this up because it meant a lot to me. Trying to put this crazy year in perspective and find the "win" that Danielle was convinced would come out of this journey with cancer. Maybe I have yet to see how that win will unfold, but I can see how it might. 
-- Keith

It might sound unbelievable, but I hate speaking in public.

And Danielle was well aware of this. During the entire cocktail hour of my brother’s wedding, I was no further than two inches away from Danielle, whispering in her ear, rehearsing my best man speech up to the last minute.

I do dread this – BUT you do things for the ones you love.

And that’s what we’re all doing here. We all loved Danielle in some way … and so we helped her carry the load. And you helped her family carry the load. And I can tell you, it would have been an impossible load to carry without you all lifting us up.

So I want to thank you all, for lifting us up and willing us to this point. And for being so good to Danielle and good to our family. I’ve personally known and experienced goodness from each of you.

If you reflect on it – even in the sadness – didn’t it feel good to be good? Didn’t it feel good to do good in Danielle’s name?

I believe that’s the feeling Danielle had every day of her life, because that's how she lived life. I'm not saying she was a saint. But doing good, doing right, was integral to her spirit. Making good things happen.

And I want to use this time to explore how she did that on her journey with cancer –  And whether it was a journey of suffering … or a journey of good.

So first, we have to try to understand suffering as a good thing, not a bad thing. I know, that makes no sense at all – but bear with me.

Maybe 3 quarters of the way through this journey, as we all began to feel stability slipping, each of our family members asked in our own way:

• WHY?!

Why is this happening.
Why does someone so young and so good have to suffer.

I can’t say I’ve totally answered that, but I have gained some perspective that I’d like to share with you. Perspective that has helped me be more at peace with her suffering.

On a lonely Sunday here in these pews, I was listening to a homily from Fr. Merckle explaining suffering, and how: God allows suffering as a tool to bring about good.

The message was based on writings by Dr. Paul Chaloux, and it breaks down as follows:

• First: Evil in Catholicism is not a thing, but is an absence of a thing: an absence of good.
• The evil that brings suffering to bear is actually an absence of good, and so suffering is the outward signal of its scarcity.
• And In the face of suffering, people naturally rally in many different ways, to fill that void and make goodness where previously there was none.
• And so (ergo) suffering brings about good.

This theology goes on to state that: We can, and I believe I have, witnessed that good being produced in four ways:

1. Goodness at an Instinctual Level – Goodness Produced For Ourselves:
   1. Suffering can bring about greater virtue in the one who suffers: a natural correction that motivates change, and puts them back on a good path.
   2. Danielle didn’t have a lot of time to focus on her own virtues, but I can tell you she appreciated life and living more than ever in this past year.
   3. And how many of you have sought or found a bit more virtue in light of this tragedy.

1. Goodness at a Spiritual Level – Goodness Produced For Our Souls:
   1. In the midst of suffering, we call upon a greater power – for intercession or consolation.
   2. How many of you have prayed, or mediated – or however you commune with the universe – as part of Danielle’s suffering? And perhaps strengthened that spiritual connection?

1. Goodness at a Human Level – Goodness Produced For All of Us:
   1. In response to suffering, we rise above ourselves and self-love and openly demonstrate love to others. The suffering elicits compassion from many, to be with the one suffering, and to do whatever it takes to provide the good that they lack.
   2. I don’t think I could count the ways this community has showed compassion for Danielle and our family.

1. Goodness at an Altruistic Level – Goodness Produced For Others:
   1. Suffering connects the sufferer to the realization that they can effect goodness. And so their suffering becomes a conscious sacrifice, an act of true love, done for the benefit of others.
   2. In other words, Danielle did this for us, for our sake. The way she handled her sickness, and brought you all to share in it. She was willing to endure this pain for the benefit of others.

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But not just anyone can evoke these 4 expressions of good through suffering. The person has to be good first, and aligned to goodness. Or else suffering can very well push oneself and others in the opposite direction.

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So let’s explore who Danielle was.
Some words I use to describe Danielle are:

• Warrior.
• Compassionate.
• Genuine.
• Practical.
• Unassuming Swagger.
• Fiercely Protective.

Danielle had that Fiercely Protective mama bear in her DNA before she was ever a mama. There’s a story of Danielle playing A lacrosse game her junior or senior year, and while on the field she heard an opposing player talking smack about her coach – her coach who also happened to be her mom. So … Danielle punched her in the mouth. That shut her up, but she may have had to take a little timeout for that.

Sometimes her convictions did lead to anger like this; I know I received my own fair share of it, and you did not want to be on the receiving end.

But I’ll be damned if she wasn't RIGHT on every issue, every single time.

She had tremendous inner mettle and integrity such that, no matter the height of her emotion, she always seemed to pull from a source of truth and right, to inform her opinions and make her decisions.

Maybe sometimes she didn't explain herself very well – and what came out was pure emotion. But that's why the two of us made such a good pair. I listened, and I understood –  and if I so chose to acknowledge her rightness – I could interpret her emotion.

My certainty in her being right is what made her easy to follow. It's why she and I stayed together through the years of high school, college, and after – six years in all – before finally getting married. ---- Because I knew she had us on the right path. And it’s also why I wasn't afraid to start my life and commitment to this woman so young. I’d put aside my lofty ambitions and follow her. She became my True North, and I’d follow her anywhere.

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And so what brought you here?
Let’s explore that.

And in doing so, I think we have to ask: where the heck did YOU all come from? – this huge mass of supporters that feel connected to Danielle.

I think I can tell you where – it’s called kindred spirits.

It’s a fun saying, but let’s break it down: Kindred spirits are: like-minded and like-souled people with whom an instant connection of love and understanding is mutually experienced.

Danielle had a strong kindred vibe. She would make friends anywhere, and in an instant.

As a kid, her parents would set out for 2 whole weeks on the barren beaches of the Outer Banks. She would roam the dunes in search of adventure, and by the time they packed up the wagon to head home, she would have turned 5 strangers into friends.

As she grew older, she continued to make connections. And not like a good-time party girl, but on a different level, a different plane – one to do with moral fiber.

That moral fiber caused her to not just be protective of people, but of her values; the things most important to her.

Things like:

• making time
• and making the most of it,
• being present,
• family,
• honesty,
• and forgiveness.

Our family foundation is strong because it was built on her values.

And her relationships were strong because she sought out, or brought out, those values in others. She recognized the potential for good in another person, and instantly connected with them.

I read letters from some of you to Danielle saying much of the same – That you didn’t know why, but you felt connected … or you felt your values reflected in her. And friendship came naturally to you.

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And so you followed her on this journey, and she put you on this path. You probably didn’t know where this path was to lead, and probably didn’t think it was meant to produce good in our world.

But it did.

I think each of you can point to something selfless and good you did this past year in supporting Danielle.

• Collecting money
• Making dinners
• Sending heartfelt notes
• Prayers or well-wishes
• Organizing events
• Donating to a charity or a good cause
• Lending your time and vehicles to drive the Hickey clan across Ashburn

And I think each of you can point to how Danielle’s life and particularly her death and suffering has changed your outlook on life.

Her suffering affected: Yourself and Your Soul:

• By taking a hard look inwardly, and around you, at what is valuable to you

Her suffering affected: Your Family:

• By cherishing and reinvigorating the love you have with your spouse, your partner, or your family members

Her suffering affected: Your Community:

• By unlocking the power in neighborhood, friendship, and humanity -- just by working together on a good cause

And Her suffering WILL affect: Others:

• By not having Danielle’s death be in vain, and ensuring others will continue to do good in her name.

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This is the effect Danielle wanted her cancer to have on the world. She wanted there to be a win somewhere. And she knew there would be. And so she took on the suffering so others could bring about goodness in its wake.

During life she led me with a moral compass that pointed True North. In the last days, I asked her, and I asked God to leave a reflection of her soul within mine. A piece of her compass to lead me always in the right direction, even as I lost sight of her.

But through her suffering and death, I think she found a way to leave that compass with more than just me. And found a way to point more souls in the right direction than just mine.