Good evening everyone,

I just want to say that right off the bat, I haven't been the best at returning people's texts and sincerely apologize for that.

Next, I just wanted to update everyone on how Lucy & I are doing.  

First Lucy ... She seems to be handling all of this well.  Her teacher at school said she hasn't seen any signs of anything for me to be worried about. I haven't seen any signs of anything at home either.  When we pray in the mornings together before school a lot of mornings she will pray for "Mommy to have a good day in Heaven".  Which is so sweet.  She did play pretend tea the other day and took her little urn of ashes over to the tea set, not sure what the exact thought process was for her with that, but my guess is to pretend to have tea with mommy. 

Lucy and I have decided to not proceed with therapy for her.  There may come a day when she needs it, but right now it seems like 2 hours every Thursday that neither of us will get back time-wise.  Trust me when I do say if she ever shows a sign she needs help then I won't hesitate to get her that help.

This brings the post to me.  I went back to work in the office this week and the one thing people have noticed is I'm smiling.  A part of that smiling is I can finally breathe again.  For those who have ever been a caretaker, you understand the feeling of being able to breathe again.  The last 20 months were horrible for Danielle to go through and absolutely horrible to endure and watch.  I pray that this is the only time in my life I will have to experience this.  I will always love Danielle and anyone who truly knows me knows that I gave everything I had to her, I wasn't always perfect, but I truly have no regrets about everything I gave to show her what "love" should remotely look like.  

I just want to let everyone know that I'm truly doing ok.  When I have now finally had time to reflect on everything that has happened over the last 20 months and even through Danielle & I's entire marriage it has allowed me to realize that I started grieving the second the doctor told Danielle she has about a 5% chance of beating this.

Really the only part I have struggled with so far from this new life is just hating that Danielle won't get to see Lucy grow up on this side of Heaven.  Danielle wanted that so bad and we wanted that so bad for her.  That part is truly the heartbreaking part.

I truly don't know what is next for me and Lucy, but I can honestly say I just want to be happy for as long as happiness will let me be.  Life is so short to not grab it by the ears and enjoy every minute you can.  So I guess I would say my plan is just to find happiness and hope to never let it go.

Lastly, I feel like this should be my final post.  Caringbridge has been amazing. Every single one of you that have followed this journey has been amazing.  And honestly, I credit every single one of you for how well I am doing.  You let me pour my heart and soul out over this entire season of life and I truly feel in my heart that is why I'm doing as well as I am because I had this outlet to truly let out all the pain, all the anger, all the hurt, and all the emotion.  

From the bottom of my heart... Thank you!!

With Love,

Mike & Lucy