Journal entry by Corrine O'Day Hanan

This morning I got my weekly labs drawn and then I went to the clinic to receive my monthly breathing treatment.  I didn't get back until almost noon because of delays.  All day I've been feeling this sense of registering that this is my life now . . . at least for a while longer.  Going for labs, monitoring symptoms, taking care of myself, and waiting, waiting, waiting on something all the time.  Waiting to get my labs drawn, waiting to get my lab results, waiting on the doctor to call, waiting for counts to come up so I can shave, waiting on the cough to clear up, and on and on and on and on.  It's really exhausting processing it in terms of the next "couple of years" at a minimum.  Lately, I've required frequent reminders to myself to keep taking it one day at a time, because that's really the only way I can do it.

I know I've realized a few times already that I often feel like this when it's close to going home time.  I start anticipating the possibility I might "get stuck" here again.  :)  Isn't it crazy?  I did get to arrive and leave exactly on time last time, but I still am feeling jittery.  It's not all anticipation, though, I suppose that's the issue.  I have been coughing and the cough has gotten more annoying.  They haven't figured out why my protein levels are low, or why the calcium keeps dropping (it does come up into normal range, and then drops back down again), or what the source of inflammation is, or why my face keeps swelling.  My 24-hour urine results came back, and I am dropping protein in the urine, but we don't know why.  I just don't want to go see the doctor this week right before I go home and then have him say, "well, I need you to stay a few more days...."  This is the point where I remind myself God's timing is perfect.

Scott took the Walmart shuttle to Walmart today and bought a super-charged battery charger.  The part about "electric cord not included" was not on the outside of the box, only on the inside on the instructions!!!  So now we have a charger but no way to charge it!!  That should be illegal.  I should "write a strongly worded letter to management" (source:  Jack from Titanic) -- one of Scott's favorite lines.  He uses it anytime he thinks we should complain about something.

Well, my procedure to remove my central line is still on the calendar for Wednesday.  I'm not counting my chickens before they are hatched, but inside I am secretly very excited for that to happen!  I'm envisioning my very first bath after the stitches come out!  I can't wait.

This Friday is the Mother-Son event at the Upper Elementary.  I'm still waiting to hear from Kyan if he wants me to go with him.  He says, "hmm, I'll let you know."  Hahahaha.  Playing hard to get at this age?  Oh man, we are so in trouble for his teenage years.  Of course, we've already started the "how to treat girls properly" training . . . just recently we had to explain why it's completely inappropriate to slap a girl's bottom.  

I really want to get outside tomorrow and shoot a few pictures of the snow.  It's so pretty, but it's also super cold!  Right now it's like -10 and it only got up to 10 today.  The problem with the cold weather is it irritates my lungs and makes my coughing worse.  So, I put it off, and then the next day, it's still cold, so I don't go outside.  Hahahahaha.  Now I'm hearing it's going to be 20 below by the time we head home on Thursday.

I haven't even read the news today.  Maybe I didn't read it yesterday, either.  When the news is the same day after day, as in no progress, it's not interesting to read the news.  Tomorrow I have no appointments at the clinic (at least, not scheduled at this time--at the Mayo, things get scheduled at the drop of a hat), so I'm hoping to start getting ready to go.  I will not be able to lift anything Wednesday after my procedure, so I'm going to have to get things as organized for Scott as I can before Wednesday.  He'll have to load the car because I won't be able to.  DARN I say (my voice dripping with sarcasm), I have to lay around and take it easy.

If anybody is in the mood to pray for random people tonight, I am praying for at least some answers before I go home.  It's very difficult to live in limbo!  And I'm ready to go home and hug and kiss those beautiful children of mine!!  I pray everyone had a good day today.  In Jesus' name, AMEN.
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