I feel like I am finally coming up for air after over a year of treading water.  This past weekend, we did our second annual National Brain Tumor Society: Boston’s Walk to End Brain Cancer.  My incredible group of friends once again rallied behind me, walking by my side to raise awareness and funds in this wonderful event to find hopefully a cure to end the suffering that so many people like me are enduring.  Last year, I wasn’t even sure if I’d be able to walk at the event after less than a month out from surgery.  This past weekend I was given a shirt with the word SURVIVOR across the back.  Survivor…I know I have been through hell and back this year, but the word survivor was a bit overwhelming. 

On October 8th, I had my “post treatment” MRI scan.  I was a bit nervous going into the scan, but I am so happy to let everyone know it is STABLE! My neuro oncologist will now use this MRI scan to compare my future MRI scans to see if there is any re-growth.  I will now go in to Dana Farber for my MRI scans every three months for the next three years.  If my scans continue to show stability after those three years they will be stretched out to ever four months for the next three years following, then every 6 months for three years.  I pray that my brain continues to stay stable and after those nine years, then I will go in for MRI’s once a year.  After hearing that my brain continues to show stability following my year of treatments, I was in a bit of a mix of emotions.  Thrilled about the results, but also feeling like, well now what?

I realized after my MRI that this past year I have been living survival mode, like living in a combat zone.  I had been moving through my days following the orders of my brilliant doctors and loving husband and mother.  Each day I would do as I was told - tons of bloodwork, scans, surgery, radiation, acupuncture, taking the appropriate medication and supplements, getting enough sleep, not picking anything up, hydrate, eat the right foods, not driving for 6 months, chemotherapy, meditate, yoga, and the list goes on.  Every single day I would fight and get the job done no matter how hard physically or mentally taxing it was.  This past year, I have been unsure of what would come next, how I would feel, how all this will change me, will this negatively impact my children, the amount of stress my husband continues to endure, what if it comes back - again the list goes on (I’ve had many sleepless nights).  At the end of the day, I will continue to do whatever it takes to give me as much time as I have with my extraordinary husband and my three fabulous kids.  Only now am I starting to feel a shift in my perspective from survival mode to straight up survivor.  I’m feeling like I can start to live my life again in a less hesitant way.  It feels good to start to feel that shift occurring and I only hope it continues to gain momentum.

One thing is for sure, I’m making sure that every birthday counts.  This year as an “end of treatment/10 year anniversary/birthday trip;” Chris and I went to the Azores, Portugal.  It was a wonderful way to disconnect from this whirlwind of life that we’ve been living and enjoy life with Chris.  We relaxed, we took in the scenery, the culture, the cuisine, and we even had the opportunity to finish a conversation without something happening or someone needing something.  We wouldn’t have been able to go without my parents watching Liam, Maeve, and Nolan for the time we were away; THANK YOU!!!!  I was also fortunate enough to go away with my amazing Hopkinton friends to Isle of Palm, SC.  It was a glorious long weekend of lounging around in this spectacular place we called home for a long weekend to celebrate our fabulous friend Katie’s birthday.  I was also so happy to be able to see my birthday twin and best friend, Alice.  Cheers to making birthdays count and living!