Christine’s Story

Site created on May 22, 2016

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Journal entry by Christine Harding

My Playlist

One of the rules in the Harding household is that when you drive, you are in control of the music/audio. For our long drives to PA, Syracuse or Union, Chris has always done the driving. This means I have to listen to Sirius radio “Crime Stories” for 5 hours about a lunatic killer on the loose or ‘80s on 8 with songs like “Take On Me” by a-ha or “Down Under” by Men At Work. For me, this is painful.

This past weekend I owned the playlist. I drove Meagan to Syracuse in her car and Chris drove separately. Listening to my music, driving through upstate New York in early September is glorious. The mountains, the farms, the lakes and I was in control of the music! I’m so grateful for that time, because it gave me the peace I needed to process my recent meeting with Dr. Marcoux.

Last Monday I went to Dana Farber for chemo and met with Dr. Marcoux and the clinical trial nurse. Dr. Marcoux asked about my continued coughing and bleeding and noted that the reports from my last surgery showed new growth. We will wait to discuss specific options later this week after scans, but he’s questioning if I should continue on the trial.

Change in treatment plans is extremely difficult. There are so many things to consider like what is the toxicity, what will be symptoms of the drugs, and what are the outcomes? I cried through my mask absorbing this possible change.

Only four days later I was driving in the car to Syracuse and had peace. My playlist told me so many things: From the Verve, I sang that life is “Bittersweet Symphony” and from Linkin Park “In the End” that “time is a valuable thing” and One Republic that “I, I did it all, I, I did it all, I owned every second that this world could give, I saw so many places, the things that I did, Yeah with every broken bone, I swear I lived.”
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