I thought I had posted my last journal entry on CaringBridge, but I’ve been hibernating and reflecting on my journey the past few months. I haven’t been on any social media since Christmas because I wanted to avoid the reminders of last year while I was still in my phantom days, which is how I was referring to the days I missed and don’t remember from my illness. Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of me being released from the hospital, so I decided I finally wanted to share a few things. 

Just before Thanksgiving I had an extensive battery of breathing tests and a complete work over with my pulmonologist. My lungs are basically performing at 70-75% of normal healthy lungs for someone my age. I still can’t do everything I used to do before my hospital stay and it is uncertain if my lungs will ever fully recover. At the same time, my pulmonologist asked if he could send my results over to the ICU teams to give them some encouragement, because even this level of recovery wasn’t expected considering my condition when I was in the ICU.

I still have to use my oxygen every day when I get out of the shower because the humidity feels like a kick in the chest. I also usually use it for a bit before I fall asleep because I often seem to be short of breath at the end of my day. I still have to take a battery of medications each day for high blood pressure and nerve pains that I did not have before I had Covid. I still can’t feel half of my left food or lift my big toe, so I sometimes trip when I’m barefoot in my house. Toward the end of my work day I find myself making mistakes I never would have made in the past because the Covid brain fog sets in after thinking for so long. When I get home from work my head feels like it is filled with cotton and I can’t read or write or make any big decisions. I frequently have horrible nightmares where I am drowning or being buried alive and I wake up with my bedding on the floor and my heart racing.

I am not sharing these things with you because I want any extra sympathy. I am grateful to have survived and to be here to experience all of this, good and bad. I am sharing this with you because I know many people just like me, who are still suffering long after we have supposedly recovered from Covid. It may sound trite, but I also want to remind you to be kind to everyone you meet, because you never know what someone is actually going through. There is enough misery in this world without us making more of it.

On a final note, I still tend to break down when I think about the amazing outpouring of love and prayer that was sent my way over the last year. I think about you, my family and friends, even ones I haven’t seen in many years, every day and feel truly blessed for the time I have spent with you all. Much love to each and every one of you!