Tonia’s Story

Site created on March 1, 2021

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Newest Update

Journal entry by Tonia Candelario

This morning I wrote 5 thank you notes. They were a “thank you for being apart of my journey” kind of notes.  I was emotional writing them — it was surreal because the notes weren’t to family or friends but to the radiation team that I’ve spent the last 6 weeks with.  The very first day I left crying thinking I wouldn’t be able to get through it.  Today, my last day of radiation, we all shed a tear as we said “goodbye”.  I never imagined that they would be as invested in me personally as I was.  These strangers that became a part of my life simply by trying to save it.  A few minutes later, I was meeting with my radiology doctor - an amazing and encouraging soul.  I asked her if she thought the radiation worked.  She replied that she had me on the maximum amount of radiation she could give and I did well.  She wasn’t God but she felt good about the treatment given and was very optimistic.  Then, along with me, she got choked up and said that she will continue to pray for me and gave me a big hug.  I was so taken back by her emotion — she has so many patients — but this doctor shows she truly cares about those under her care.  I am blessed!  

Radiation itself didn’t hurt.  I loathed the process of getting a head/face mask made and having to wear it everyday.  It was connected to the treatment table and I couldn’t move.  Of course it was to protect my throat area but it was anxiety inducing for the first few weeks for sure.  A couple of weeks ago I started to feel the effects of the treatment.  I have pretty severe burns and painful blisters.  This is not sunburn type burns.  I’m so red in places that I’m purple — believe me, the irony of the purple isn’t lost on me!  Thankfully, some areas are healing but I still have a few more weeks before my skin starts getting back to normal.  The doctor still insisted on a decreased work schedule to allow myself time to recuperate from the all the effects of radiation.  I’m listening to her advice!  Another piece of my cancer “to do” is now checked off the list.  

Next up is taking the oral chemo which starts the day after Thanksgiving.  It’s 8 pills a day (twice a day) for six months.  The plan is two weeks on the pills with one week off.  The side effects look to be similar to the earlier chemo treatments but hopefully not as severe.  I’ve got the meds to combat them so, hopefully, I won’t need them.  In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy having a couple of weeks of not having to think about cancer!

A sweet friend was just diagnosed with breast cancer.  It broke my heart when she told me the news.  I remember well the early days of the unknown, when cancer wasn’t a normal part of life.  The fear, the anxiety, the  disbelief.  I wish I could tell her that the fear, the anxiety, the disbelief magically disappears but it doesn’t.  At least, not for me…yet.  This journey is a lonely one, even when you are surrounded by comforting, encouraging, loving family and friends.  It’s only you that’s sick, only you that’s going through the awful treatments with the awful side effects, and only you that can’t shut your mind off because you’re constantly making the “what if” plans in your head.  I’m not trying to take away from what the loved ones are going through because, believe me, they have a lot to deal with as well.  I know there is a feeling of hopelessness when watching someone they love go through sickness, pain, and despair.   But something about helping someone else navigate their cancer journey gave me a purpose beyond being a wife, mom, friend, etc.  It shed some light on the “why”.  I am supposed to be here right now in my journey to help someone with theirs just like those that help me through mine are right where they need to be.  What a. honor! Say a prayer for my friend, please.  

Thank you for your continued love, support, and prayers.  I still am humbled and amazed that I have people like you in my life.  My prayer warriors!  Typically, after radiation, like chemo, you ring the bell.  I didn’t want to.  I still have a ways to go.  So, I’ll ring the bell after I’ve been cancer free for 5 years.  That makes the most sense to me and gives me something to look forward to.  When I do, I’ll have a “bell ringing party” and everyone is invited because our prayers will have been answered and that’s something to celebrate!

 

💜💜💜✝️💜💜💜

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