On Thursday evening Sept. 23 his oncologist came and and talked to us about starting that last chemo. She wanted us to give it a couple of weeks after he’s dismissed and get his strength back. About an hour after she left one of his original transplant docs came in and basically asked him why on earth he would put himself through that. That woman stood there and asked all the hard questions, both to him and to me. She stayed and talked to us for a solid hour. When she left we pressed on with the hard conversations. Funeral plans, final wishes, etc. All things that I feared would never get discussed. Again, it was hard but we got it done. The next day Julia’ (our oldest) came and stayed with him and had her own conversations, and Dr. deGolovine returned again and talked more about our reality.

On my next visit, Bruce told me he didn’t want to return to the oncologist. He wants a “good death” where he has the opportunity to be at home with his loved ones, instead of being transported back and forth to Houston for rounds of chemo, side effects and possible harmful heart complications. I’m really super proud of this man. I think it’s a courageous decision.

So that’s our plan. We will begin to work on Hospice. I may or may not return to work to finish up a few things and I would anticipate that the next time I walk out of there I’m done until I’m on the other side. Unless after the Hospice conversation I feel like this is closer than we realized. If that’s the case then I’m blessed enough to know my job will understand.

So for now, I’ll likely be radio silent. Thank you to every family member, friend, coworker, boss, person in the world who has taken a moment to lift us in prayer or wrap us in good thoughts, to deliver dinner, to run my errands, to transport my husband, and everything in between. Please continue those thought and prayers, specifically for peace for all of us and strength as well. It’s much appreciated.

For now . . .