It's amazing how it feels like both yesterday and forever at the same time.  I've learned that is common in grief, that your time continuum becomes inconsistent and distorted.  That's pretty much how life feels right now, inconsistent and distorted.

I'm doing ok, right now; right in this moment.  I won't speak for the next one. 

I miss the everyday things - the sound of his voice, his laugh, those silly looks, all of the little scraps of paper with incoherent (to me) formulas and thoughts scribbled on them, all of those day-to-day "things" that made Brett and made him a part of my life, my heart.  

I hired a contractor to fix up the backyard.  He did an amazing job.  It now looks like a park!  As he and I were standing on the deck admiring his work I said, "Brett would have loved this."  Just as those words came out of my mouth a beautiful barred owl flew out of the woods and landed on a tree limb about 15 feet from me.  He cocked his head from side to side as he looked at me.  Then after a few minutes, he swooped down just feet from me and up into the tree next to the bedroom where I was sleeping.  Yes, I think he approves.  I also think he's watching out for me.  I don't necessarily believe in reincarnation but of all the forms for Brett to come back in, a wise owl would be an obvious choice.

It's been nearly four months...and an eternity...