Today marks 1 year of Brent starting his fight against cancer.  

I remember that day pretty clearly….

Brent had an early wake up to get to USC because before he started his first cycle of chemo he had to get a PET scan.  His only PET scan he ever had.  Karla arrived early to take him to USC.  Both her and Brent kept me updated as the day went on.  In one of the earlier texts after the scan they informed me that he was radioactive due to the scan.  So he couldn’t come home until the kids were asleep since he couldn’t be near them.  To make an already long day longer.  

While Brent was at USC I went to the doctor due to a nasty cough and found out I had bronchitis.  Let’s just add to the stress of life. While Brent was at USC fighting for his life I was an absolute basket case at home.  The twins were not in preschool yet so I was taking care of them.   Crying non stop all day.  I cried silently as I laid with the twins while they slept for their nap.  

I knew Brent wouldn’t be home until late.  So when Hannah was done with school I picked her up and went to my best friends house.   I needed to be with someone and the kids needed to be busy with not just me.  I was a mess…. We had dinner and the kids played.  We came home and straight to bed.

After treatment, Karla drove Brent to her house , they ate a meal fit for kings ans he was finally able to eat without pain.  They enjoyed each other’s company and then she drove him home. 

We all know not to look at reports before you review with a doctor.  Well, we had learned our lesson that evening as Brent had read part of the PET scan report.  It wasn’t good and was our first indicator that his cancer had spread to his bones and other areas.

From March 7th (initial diagnosis) to his first day of treatment… his cancer had taken over his body and it exploded in just 40 days.

It feels like the start of his treatment was a lifetime ago some days and other days I can see myself and feel all the feels from the day.

Everything still feels so surreal.  Life is not the same without him…my life is not the same.  Our kids life are not the same.  

As Hannah told me the other night “it’s just so hard without daddy”.  And she is 1000% correct… life is much harder without him.

Today I spent a few hours with him as I remember this hard day one year ago….

We miss him so much.