Journal Entery PEACE

March 25, 20201 (Thursday)

It’s been a good, good day. I felt calm and at PEACE all day. I enjoyed a day at home getting things checked off our to-do list. I had a fun morning with Grant while our kids were at school…perks of Grant working only 3 days a week. It was the first time in a long time that I completed a full hour workout. My body is healing just enough that I finally feel ready to move my body…Praise God! I was so worn out and feeling very dizzy but ended the workout with a 20-minute restorative yoga…every workout should end like this! Felt so good to move, lift, stretch and end with healing the mind, body, and soul. This is a huge step in the right direction… a huge win today!

Grant and I then ventured out BEEfore picking up Crosbee from school. When out and about the other day a picture in the far back corner of the story drew me in…I went in looking for something specific but went straight to the picture that was speaking to me. I stood there for a bit reading it and just felt moved. I knew it had a perfect place in the basement but it wasn’t cheap so had to run it by the boss first =). A few days have gone by and this picture just kept coming up…it made a huge impression on me, brought about so much thought. After measuring we knew it was meant for our newly refinished basement. It is so silly that one picture can bring so much emotion in me, move me, make my heart smile, give that comforting feeling of PEACE. I say that but it's just like reading verses in the Bible. At certain times or during certain situations verses speak to me, teach me, comfort me, guide me. The book I am currently reading titled, Good Grief, I’m Healed by Suzanne Grimaud is powerful especially during this season in my life. This book is a comfort, validating my feelings and helping me to make sense of my current struggles. So…I guess it’s not so crazy what this picture does to/for me. 

PEACE sign with quotes/sayings from many influential people has moved me, brought about emotions, healing and PEACE and it now hangs in our basement as a reminder of the times. The sayings speak to me, more some than others but what it stands for right now in this specific time in our lives is what gives me chills. 2020 for all has been a time of many unexpected hardships. For our family, it has been a time of heartbreak, loss, change, misunderstandings, fear, challenges, and more. For months my family has had to find their way while their mom/wife searched for healing and PEACE from an attack mentally from panic and anxiety. Our lives were once again turned upside down. I’m a stay-at-home mom that was unable to do my job. I am still healing and finding my way but through it all, I have clung to God’s hope, his promise! I stayed close to Him to find comfort and PEACE as my war raged on. My prayers were many for PEACE…PEACE for my family, PEACE for myself, PEACE for my friends, PEACE for our community, PEACE for our country, and PEACE for our world. As it seems for many of us and most everything is chaos, falling apart. Riots, murders, rallies, racism, suicides, depression, all at an all-time high! What this world needs most is the PEACE that only God can provide. I truly BEElieve this. This kind of PEACE is not that of the world but can only BEE felt when you are in a relationship with God, have fully and completely surrendered to Him…everything…not some things, sometimes…all things, all the time. I’m still learning (probably will BEE for all my life) and God has to remind me especially during times of anxiety, panic, and self-doubt. In these times I want to control and change my thoughts and feelings. What I have learned through my stronger than ever relationship with God is that when I call out in prayer, spend time in His Word, and lay all my concerns and worries at His feet is when He provides PEACE. He does this through other people (angles on Earth), through His Word, and his silent whispers and nudges. For the first time in my life, I feel God speaking to me. He has even answered questions I’ve asked through prayers. I can honestly say I’m so thankful for the war that raged in my head and body BEEcause it was a time God used to grow closer to me, renew me, teach me and mold me. The war isn’t completely over but I’m standing stronger each day and can finally breathe. I’m back mostly full-time at the best job in the world…BEEing a mom. I am blessed to see all God has done for me. I’m healing and finding PEACE. Now more than ever I want to help others and BEE lead by God to serve His plan and purpose for my life. So…this picture that now hangs in our basement isn’t just any picture…it will forever speak to me. We recently finished our basement during this crazy time of uncertainty that 2020 brought and during my battle/my war. Our family has always wanted the space of a basement. It’s the main reason we moved from “Henley’s” house. This space means so much to each of us…it’s a dream come true (it was always a dream/wish of Grant and mine to BEE able to provide this space for our kids). It’s no coincidence that the basement was completed and gave our family (especially Cooper) a new space to gather. The basement has brought us PEACE during my battle. So many blessings during the storm. God is so good. He always provides. This space will forever remind us of God’s goodness and the PEACE that can BEE found through BEEing in a relationship with Him. Oh, and of course the picture has “hidden” blue butterflies 🦋 that were not discovered until hanging it. Also, there were two perfect spots to add our personal BEE touch to some of the quotes/sayings. One saying reads…BEE sure to wear some flowers in your hair 💙. Something Henley never left the house without…her flower headband. I will forever cherish this piece. It may have more meaning to me than others but I BEElieve it to be a gift. A gift of hope, life, future, light, God’s PEACE, dreams come true, love, and many HapBEEily ever afters! I am blessed! I love and praise You, God!