I'm sitting here trying to figure out how and where to start with this. Speechless. Grateful. Humbled. Perplexed. In awe. Shocked. Joyful. Amazed. 

We made it. 

I have a vivid memory from one year ago in the NICU where Ian looked at me and said, "Our goal is to just get him to his 1st Birthday".....and through teary eyes I'm confessing to you that if you would've told me we'd be here doing what we're doing today I wouldn't have believed you.  But God was gracious in my unbelief, and not only are we celebrating Beckett's birthday, but we're celebrating a perfectly healthy 1 year old boy, with no lasting complications or evidence of what happened one year ago today.  

It's hard to put into words what this momma is feeling today. So many tears have fallen this past year and especially this past month just anticipating this day....for so many reasons. Beckett is really just the beginning of it, but then also reflecting on the biggest gift, Immanuel, God with us, amidst all of the emotions of the trauma that we've experienced, and trying to piece that together, knowing that God is writing my sons story better than I ever could.

Reading through Luke this morning, God so clearly and gently reminded me; saving, sparing, and healing Beckett is not the greatest thing He's done. In fact, it doesn't even come close. He came to us as a baby, for the SOLE purpose of being slaughtered for our sake as the perfect sacrifice, so that we don't have to be, and so that we can spend eternity with Him in all perfection and glory, despite the fact that not ONE of us is good enough in and of ourselves. Because He loves us with a love that is unimaginable, unfathomable, incomprehensible.  I think about how much I love Beckett, how badly I LONGED for my son to live, the pain that I felt as his mother seeing him in the condition he was in, the anxiety that consumed me during those dark and scary months and try to remind myself that that love is just the smallest fraction of how big our Father's love is for us. 

So yes. We made it. This far. And we believe in a hope and a future for this sweet joyful boy.

As I've been reflecting, I also was shared a devotional by a coworker that reminded me of the sovereignty of the Lord's plan and how deep His love is for each one of us.  Please read and let this speak to your soul wherever you may be. 

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"Christmas Blessing"
"If there was ever an event that we knew with confidence that it was God’s will, it would be the birth of Jesus, our Savior. God had planned His Son’s coming from the beginning of creation to rescue us unfaithful humans and draw us away from death and back to Him. We can probably easily imagine God smiling as He looked down on His newborn Son - His redemption plan was finally set in motion! 

However, one would never believe that this could have been God’s perfect plan when looking at it from human eyes…Mary was a young girl who was believed to have conceived her baby out of wedlock. Then Mary and Joseph had to travel very far on foot with a very pregnant Mary on a donkey’s back. Then when they arrived, there was no room at the inn…not even in the hallways. So Mary had to birth the Savior of the world in a crowded, messy, and stinky stable full of animals! We might skeptically ask, “If God can do anything, why wouldn’t God have planned this significant event better”? 

The truth is: just because Jesus’s birth looked chaotic and seemed to be the opposite of a well-thought-out plan, it was ALL still perfectly God’s will. 

How often do we look at our lives and wonder why God isn’t doing something about obstacles and trials we think He should fix? How often have we wondered if we are truly special or that we have a greater purpose beyond ourselves?

David, in Psalm 22:9-10, says, “Yet you brought me safely from my mother’s womb and led me to trust you…I was thrust into your arms at my birth. You have been my God from the moment I was born”.

We can see that this verse is absolutely true about Jesus – He was delivered safely from the womb. He followed God from the moment He was born! And, let’s not miss the last part of the verse, “I was thrust into your arms at my birth”. We can confidently say that God was in that stable when Jesus was born, and Jesus has certainly been carried by God from the moment He was born to the day He died.  

But have you ever thought about being thrust into God’s arms at YOUR birth? Close your eyes and imagine that for a moment…God being in the hospital holding you close as you look into His loving eyes. Why wouldn’t He be at your birth?! After all, He created you and planned your arrival - just as He did Jesus’ arrival! 

Despite being helpless, tiny, and seemingly insignificant…regardless of whatever circumstances looked like around your birth, or the messes you entered…God - bigger than life and Creator of the Universe - planned and celebrated your arrival and came to hold you.

This is a reality none of us could perceive or even remember…but the Word says it, so in spiritual terms, this must have really happened for all of us. 

While I don’t know the circumstances around your birth - whether you were wanted by your parents or not, whether planned or an “accident” - I know it does not reflect how important you are to God because it did not reflect how important Jesus was to Him. God was certainly there celebrating you, and He wanted you, chose you, and came to bond with and love YOU. He chose you when you didn’t even know it!"

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Words will never fully express to each of you how much your prayers have blessed and gotten our family through this time. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for everything you've done to support us this past year.  Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a blessed 2024 for your and your families.