My heart is so full and empty all at the same time!!  I am so blessed to say that Andy and I had the pleasure of taking our sweet Corbin off to school at MSU! Watching him step into this new chapter is of course scary but mostly exciting! This poor guy has been through so much and yet he stands strong and amazing at all times. We can't wait to see what he does next. It also brings up all the empty that Ava will never get to go off to school and become what she had always dreamed of becoming and working with premature babies. Also, I know that Corbin would have loved to have Ava come stay with him and show her around the campus and I could hear the stories of how it went, while they laughed with me! So many things just whirl through my head every second of every day as I beam with pride watching Corbin continue to be beyond amazing, and yet still yearn for one more day with my sweet Ava. Truly hard to understand unless you have walked in these shoes. The 5K we did to honor Ava this year went well and help keeping her memory alive in this community and helping others with suicide awareness is something that I am called to do, but again my heart is full and empty. Today is my birthday and as I woke up, I was wishing to see Ava come into my room and tell me "Don't get out of bed Mom I have a special breakfast planned for you!" She was that daughter that was always sassy, aggressive, confrontational, defiant, but still so sweet and loving and kind and thoughtful! She was the one that would always want to make my day special. I know that if she was here, she would have packed my lunch for work and as I opened it, I would find a sweet little note that would tell me how much she loved me and how she thought I was the best Mom in the world. I would smile and shake my head and then share with my friends at work how she had such a giving heart! Full and empty on my birthday today! Full because I have so many children and friends and family that love and support me and empty without her sweet little treats that I know she would have had planned for me as she came in my room and would lay next to me and tell me she loved me and stay right there until she was ready! God created us with amazing strength within our hearts to somehow be able to have this full and empty at the same time. Only God could find a way to show us full within our hearts when we are feeling so empty. Blessings are everywhere even as we struggle to find our way through terrible situations, he is always the way! Today as I enjoy my birthday with Lainey and Kyle who are making me dinner and spoiling me, and we play some cards and have some laughs my heart will be soooo full! Lainey also is such a giver and I know she wants to make today special, and she is we will both be thinking of that empty spot that never goes away!