'Roid days are H A R D. Physically and mentally. It's an emotional, overeating roller coaster. For those who don't know what I'm talking about when I say 'roids, I'm talking steroids. I hate them. They make my heart race and make me short of breath at times, give me weird butterflies in my stomach, make my face flush, and I'M SO FREAKING HUNGRY I NEED ALL THE FOOD!!!!!!! Luckily I only have to take them 4 days out of the week, which seems as bad as it sounds when I type it out lol I get snippy and down and then in the same moment happy and hopeful.

Lately I have been struggling with this diagnosis and what it means for my future. I have never been one for "living in the moment", I've always been sad and missing the past (depression anyone?), or excited for the future (a nice way to put 'I have anxiety'). I guess this is another hard lesson for me to learn, but damn, did have to be cancer?

I'm trying to stay busy to keep my mind in check, but it's tough. The medications are giving my un-diagnosed ADHD a run for its money (haha!). I am so close with finishing my Master's Degree, but then it's like for what? Why? I have this stupid cancer that is going to make it difficult for me to return to work, so why bother? Then this is where the other side comes in and says "BECAUSE F*CK CANCER THAT'S WHY! Don't let it take one more thing away from you!" I try and think of how bad ass it will be when I walk across the stage and am able to say that I completed my Master's Degree by taking the difficult road. I started working on it as a full-time working mom with 3 kiddos and completed it while fighting with a painful, debilitating cancer, while raising 3 babies. It might take me a little bit longer, but piss off cancer. I refuse to let you do any more damage!

....and I am tired now.