Merry Christmas Ya'll! It's mind-blowing to know it's here already. I first want to apologize for being out of touch for so long. That was inconsiderate of me, especially since you all have walked this year out with me through prayers, meals, messages, gifts, and many sources of encouragement. Thank you for all your texts messages and phone calls during these last couple of months. I am sorry that I might have seemed unresponsive... and I honestly, have been more than usual. I am not exactly sure why other than I have been so tired and fatigued as I am trying hard to catch back up on my life this year. I also think I have needed some "down" time. I know that sounds so odd considering I have basically been down this entire year of 2018, but I needed an escape in a different way. I think I have been in such a whirlwind that I retreated for a while. I've been trying to step back into a normal routine but have felt so distracted and not as motivated as I thought I would. I really thought completing chemo and my first initial surgery would make all things normal again. Well, it definitely felt as if I had accomplished a lot but was caught off guard by so many setbacks soon after. As you probably remember, I was in the hospital for a week and then underwent surgery again because of an infection and issues that fluid caused to my expander. However, most of you do not know that a week later I was back in the hospital for a second surgery on the other breast and had to have the expander removed due to other complications. I felt so drained and frustrated. I knew this was not life-threatening but it definitely took a toll on me. That is when I went into my "retreat" mode. I am feeling a bit better and again trying to achieve some kind of new routine for myself and my family. I continue to see my breast surgeon every week. As of now, I am in the waiting period. We are hoping and praying my body will continue to absorb any kind of fluid to avoid swelling and infection again. If all goes as planned, I will more than likely have another surgery first of February and hopefully my final surgery sometime in May. Please pray my body will be at rest and accept all the changes it is undergoing. I have also been focused on and learning a new way of eating to continue to fight any chance of reoccurrence of my particular cancer.
I still undergo infusion treatments on a regular basis every 3 weeks until sometime in April. I am doing well with these meds and it usually just leaves me extremely tired and fatigued for about a day. So I am adjusting to this better pace of life and needless to say, becoming very good friends with my breast Surgeon, Oncologist, and Nurses! I did recently have my hair colored back to dark brown. I just didn't feel like myself, let alone look like myself any time I got a glimpse in the mirror. It feels good to look a little more familiar.
I had hoped to post a message at Thanksgiving, but instead got lost in my time in the mountains with my Guthmann family celebrating Thanksgiving and my Birthday! Yep, how ironic that my birthday fell on Thanksgiving this year. I have SO MUCH to be thankful for and the time away with all my family was the best gift of all! I thought of all of my wonderful friends and community on that special day. I cried tears of joy and thankfulness in all that has been done for me and my family this year. We truly cannot thank you all enough. As of now, I feel as though I just got off a shipwreck that has been tossed and thrown in a wild storm, but I survived! I feel as though my legs are shaky and I haven't quite got my balance yet but we are all getting there and I am extremely grateful.
Please forgive me if you felt as though I have ignored your messages or even our friendship as of lately. It's hard for me to put into words, I am not even sure myself of this season in my life, I guess I am still trying to process all that we have gone through. But please be assured that as you are reading this, I am thankful for your interest in our lives, your support, and encouragement that you have been in big and small ways on this journey. I wish I could show each of you the difference in my life you have made this year.
Thank you friends and family, I love you all! May God bless your Christmas and may you be reminded of the true meaning of this season. I for one, know that my life would be lost without my Father, and I am extremely grateful for his Son!