Today marks two months since Andy passed. Over the past few days, this looming milestone has been hitting all of us much harder than we expected. I'm not sure why. All I know is grief is not a linear journey so I try to make sure we all give ourselves some grace as we move through it. 

On the whole, we are all trying to cope in our own way. We are still mostly hunkered down together at home. Neil is back to work, but he's 100% remote, Emma has started teaching piano at the same music academy she attended for 11 years, and Alex is finishing up his last two online classes before graduation. I'm very slowly easing myself back into the real world. After spending so many months caring for Andy in the hospital and isolating at home to avoid germs, it's been challenging for me. Thankfully, I have amazing people who have continued to cover for my commitments and who help get me out of the house. Neil and I have visited a few garden centers and I'm working on plans for Andy's garden. Gardening is always good for my soul, so I know it will help when I can get outside and get my hands dirty. 

This week my Facebook memories have been filled with photos from Spring Breaks over the years. We traveled a few times as a family, but most years, the kids and I visited Mom and Dad in Iowa. Every morning when I look at my memories and see photos of the kids and their cousins and Grandma and Grandpa, my very first thought is we should recreate that photo when we're there this weekend. It's a split-second thought before I remember that we can't recreate them without Andy, but it feels like a sucker punch every single time. I suspect that will never change. 

You may have heard me say that I'm leaning into my grief and feeling all of the emotions. This is such a good illustration of what that means to me. I will carry this grief with me until the day I die. That's not to say that I'll be sad forever because I won't; I'm not sad 100% of the time now.  But this grief is going to be my lifetime companion so I figure I might as well get comfortable with her.  The Oatmeal—Taking Care

I continue to be amazed at the kindness and empathy shown to our family. I am beyond blessed to have so many wonderful people supporting us on this journey and I will never take that for granted. 

All my love,
Robyn