It’s been a year since Clark and I sat in my OBGYN’s office as she told us that the tests came back positive for ovarian cancer. It’s been a year of waiting—I hate waiting—and persevering. It’s been a year of realizing how powerful our support network is (thank you!!!) and how scattered our health network is. It’s been a year of learning that a deadly pandemic makes having cancer even harder, although thank goodness grocery delivery became ubiquitous. It’s been a year of learning to speak up for myself and learning that most preparation and planning won’t survive a run in with reality.

It’s been a long year and, to complicate matters, my memory blurs 2020 and 2021 together. I’m mostly recovered—thanks to PT I’m probably more fit than before chemo—but I still get exhausted frustratingly quickly. My hair has grown to an annoying length in shades of iron and silver, and—likely surprising no one—it’s pretty much the same hair as my dad, my aunt, and my grandma. It has some wave, but my huge cowlick can’t be negotiated with! Although it looks cute short, I don’t feel like it suits me, so it’s that in between stage where I can’t pull any of it back but it shags over my ears and neck.

Maybe that’s a good analogy for how I feel right now. I’m almost certainly cancer free, but it won’t be official for another 4+ years. I’m mostly healed, but still learning what my new normal looks like, for many reasons. And sometimes my body still says “Nope” with little explanation.

For some reason, I’m a bit moody as I look back on this past year; but overall I’ve been pretty positive. As Clark points out, after the first diagnosis, our medical news has only been good. Sometimes I wonder if recovery will ever really finish—or maybe that’s just life, where we’re always works in progress. Regardless, we’re looking forward from here and celebrating a year of getting better.

This year of getting better wouldn’t have been possible without the love and support of all of you—friends and family who stood up when I needed it. Thank you all so much. Whether it was sending DoorDash gift cards, dropping dinners off for my family & me when cooking was beyond any of us, running errands for us, making hats and blankets, advising and mentorship through chemo from folks who’ve been there, checking in when I was down, prayers and good thoughts, it was all necessary and all appreciated so, so much. Thank you all.