Amanda’s Story

Site created on April 23, 2021

We are humbled by the number of people who have reached out to show support. This site is meant to help keep all of our prayer warriors updated on our journey. 

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in April 2021. We had been trying to start our family, and I found the lump when I was pregnant. I assumed it was pregnancy related, but when we lost the baby, it didn't go away. Our angel baby saved my life 😇❤️ and this is our story of how I beat breast cancer.

Newest Update

Journal entry by Amanda Harris

I had a counseling session today (who knew? cancer comes with discounted therapy!). It felt so good to just fall apart in a stranger's office, say all the things I've been feeling, put words to the complaints that I don't want to say out loud. To tell my story of heartbreak, to recount the trials of the last 6 months. To just… cry. And not have to worry about her reaction. 
You see, one of the reasons I LOVE counseling is that there is freedom in confiding in a stranger who has no emotional investment in your situation. She doesn't know me from Adam, so my pain is not shared. I don't have to watch her cry, see the pity in her eyes, or hear words of encouragement that I'm not ready for. She isn't experiencing this with me, she is wholly separate. And while that thought terrifies some, it offers me the ability to share honestly, without withholding details for fear of judgement or embarrassment, or dreading her reaction. Things I struggle to say to my husband, my family, my friends, can be voiced, even if it's just to try them on for a minute. 
It was fitting that the verse of the day was Romans 8:26 -- "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." 
Groanings too deep for words. It hit me that those deep, dark thoughts, the anger and despair that I conceal from those close to me… that I wait to share only with a trained professional… God already knows. He doesn't need me to speak the words - His Spirit has already interceded and given voice to them. This should give me freedom!
But don't we often feel the opposite? Put God in the category of our friends, or maybe even just an acquaintance? Share only the "soft" version of the story... Isn't it difficult to come to God with our struggles, thinking we can only come into His presence with joy or peace? Do you hide from God the way I do? Pretend that I'm fine, it's fine, everything is fine, when inside I'm falling apart. But He already knows. He is not surprised or shocked by the strong emotions, He already knows. He can interpret the groanings of our heart, even the ones too deep for words… 
So tomorrow, rather than avoid God like I have been all week, I'm going to do a better job of saying even the hard stuff to Him. He can handle it. 
Side note: if you've never been to therapy, I strongly suggest it. Prayer, family and friends are all wonderful ways of coping, but therapy provides tools and resources to support your healing journey, and practical tips for navigating difficult emotions.
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