So far this has been a sort of clinical recounting of my breast cancer journey. I have gotten really good at putting the emotional side in a box. Sometimes it seeps out in a tear or two. Sometimes it pours out in a personal pity party. Both are fine and both leave me feeling tired. 
When I first got diagnosed I think I approached it like a military operation. Trying to put everything into a linear phaseline and timeline. It was my way of controlling the situation I guess.  I have been so blessed to have a relatively drama free life.  Of course, that is as much by design as it is luck. With this diagnosis came uncontrolled emotions and drama. It is very fatiguing.
I really haven't had much "poor me" , but I have had tumultuous thoughts about "how do I do it all"? How do I find the strength to do it all?

The above entry was written before...
Before my brother Michael died, before several chemotherapy sessions, before issues with my liver.

I remember the initial days of my diagnosis and battle.  I was very clinical and logical.  Now 5 months into this, chemo and doctors appointments have become second nature. My biggest challenge is the emotional balance of it all.  Balancing doctors appointments with work.  Balancing expectations and desires with what I can actually handle.  I keep coming back to "I am so blessed".
My husband has been so amazing in caring for me and allowing me to melt when I need to.  He is so wonderful.  Grace too has been understanding and gives me extra cuddles and brings her humor when I clearly need it.  My work family has also been very supportive.  That is one of my biggest guilt's.  I just cant do it all and they get it. 
As of today I have 9 chemo sessions left, followed by 6 weeks of daily radiation.  Treatment is progressing rather smooth right now.  My liver is acting up but that is somewhat normal for this type of chemo.  My hemoglobin is very low and is causing me to be fatigued and a bit dizzy.  Hopefully, that will pass too.
I hope you all have a Merry Christmas.  I am getting exactly what I want for Christmas, my family is coming over for the day.  We will eat great food, open presents and celebrate my brother Mike who will be terribly missed, another wonderful blessing I had in my life!  I am thankful for him and my other wonderful, funny, caring brothers!