Well, l it looks like it's time to start something that will makes it easy for me to communicate all these details. However, life isn't that easy for me right now. I know that there are a lot of questions, I have just as many, and most of them are unanswered. I'm hoping that in the next few weeks I will be able to share a little more insight, and hopefully a plan of attack of what comes next.
The million-dollar question, what's going on? Or how are you feeling? Both of these questions are very uncomfortable questions to ask anybody you care about. Nevertheless someone who touched your life but yet you're not close enough to feel like you have the right to ask. Don't feel like you missed something, I didn't share much information. Reason being, I don't have much information to share.
I can tell you what I do know, I finally feel like I have a good care team in place to begin this next journey of life. There really isn't a whole lot of things ruled out, however that leaves a lot of things left to figure out. What I have been focusing on is that I have a few choices everyday. The first choice is my attitude, and am I going to choose to pick the best day possible, or well really there isn't another option in my world. Anyone who knows me, I know is that I'm always positive, I look at the bright side and the big picture, and I really try to see the best in everyone. The second thing is to try to feel like I've accomplished something, which some days is a harder task than others. Everyday I try to get up and at least put myself together, this girl ain't wearing sweatpants for the rest of her life, I don't even want to wear them now. However they are the most comfortable, and I can make yoga pants work now that they sell long shirts, but trying to feel like you and being sick is a difficult task everyday.
Back on track... ya that's part of my symptoms, being forgetful and easily side tracked. I was diagnosed with is clonus the end of February. Clonus is a symptom that's can be caused by many things, all are hard to diagnose. To the normal eye, it would appear that I have a nervous foot tap. Until you spend a little bit of time with me, then it is easy realize that my right leg is grooving to its own beat. Sometimes it's country, other times it's rap, and some days I really have no idea what's playing. I also walk very slow, however it's not my first gimp walk, most of you know I've been a klutz all my life, this time is MUCH different, and it came out of no where. Clonus is involuntary muscle spasms caused by some sort of disconnect in the way the brain and the nerves communicate to each other. Typically most people have it in the outermost portion of their limbs, however we all know I do one thing well in life, and that's go big or go home. It currently is affecting most of my right leg, has now progressed into the left leg and my hands sometimes. It's hard to explain it on paper, there are a lot of little things that come and go like: numbness, sensitive skin, hypersensitive skin, loss of feeling, I can't tell if things are cold or wet when I step on them. Light touch is debatable, and the weird thing is I can step on a bone and hardly flinch.
Next thing I know is that there is no large mass in my brain, and yes there is a brain, along with no brain bleeds. The imaging of my lower back, everything looks to be fine from numerous doctors and surgeons. Currently they are ruling out that there is nothing new with the lower spine, or any new injuries that would from my previous back injury.
Okay so what's next, I need to get more than a few blood tests and more imaging with an MRI. Blood work will be done on Wednesday and waiting to hear when I will be able to have an MRI.
Most of my time I am spent just waiting, waiting for a phone call, and appointment schedule, friends to come visit. And I am constantly trying to find a ride. Waiting is the worst part. It has given me time to think about a lot of things, reconnect with people, make some new friends, some self growth, and the removal of toxic people.
Since I have been out of work for almost 45 days, the question "How have you been keeping busy? " Well-being gimpy has some perks, like I always have princess parking. Which means whoever drives me probably won't have door dings. I also get front of the line passes at amusement parks, means I get to go on way more rides. And honestly it gives me the chance to take a little break, relax, and spend some time with my friends and my pops. My life has been so crazy busy for years oh, it's been a hard adjustment to just sit around. Believe me, I still don't sit still, but it's been good to actually take a good look at what I have in my house. The last couple of moves have been a little crazy, some not so planned out well, and the others well just a peer shitstorm from start-to-finish. So I'm taking the time to organize things, donate, go through boxes that I haven't been through in years, everyone should do it it's like Christmas, and just taking with me what I need. Okay maybe a little more than what I need, we all know that I like to shop and have too many shoes.🤣😍👠
The biggest thing out of all of this, is that I'm really trusting in a few things my father taught me. 1. You always get what you need, and everything always works out. 2. Someone has it worse than you do, be thankful everyday. 3. Put a smile on your face no matter what, keep your chin up, and be nice. 4. Everything happens for a reason, take the positive with you and the lesson written in your heart. 5. And there are blessings in everything, sometimes you just got to stop and look. 6. Be patient and everything always works out.
I will be making an entry about the time line of how things progressed. I will also update on any appointments or new information. Please feel free to reach out! Xoxo 💖 Me
This beautiful young lady is my 1st "Baby" technically. I have lost count over the years of how many adopted shitheads(children 2 legged or 4 legged and furry) I have... But this pretty girl right here is my 1st.
It took a lot for me to get ready today, life has been pretty rough lately. I am miserable, in pain, puking every morning from the pain of sleep its self. My body hurts from everything that touches me, yet I can't feel it. I no long can feel any of my sensory nerves from my armpits down....that includes hands and fingers. But with all that said I still got up, made myself feel pretty, quick makeup, and made the cutest out with possible out of pajama material clothing... and type of pressure give me extreme pain... but I looked amazing and tried to forget about the pain, and fake it. That is everyday, but I gotta still try and live life and have fun. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 We all know I always have fun!
Sorry I got sidetracked... back to this pretty girl. I am SO incredibly Proud of this beautiful woman, I have been blessed to be part of her life since she was maybe 6 months old. I was her Nanny, I got to snuggle her, play with her, read to her, teach her, be an extra "parent" while her Mom and Dad both worked. They both wanted the best for her, and obviously I was the best choice🤣🤣🤣🤷♀️👑
And Miss Hannah Johnson took the time to mail me her invitation, so today I got the best surprise in the mail. A picture of a beautiful woman, who has loved me back every day I have shown her love, and I am one proud mama today. However Hannah, thanks for making me feel fucking old today! Your still a little turd! Love you My little Hannah Banana... this is my rsvp... I wouldn't miss it for the world. I love ya baby 💋 xoxo