CaringBridge Staff | 07.19.21
If you are diagnosed with cancer, it can feel stressful and daunting trying to find the words to say, especially to those who are closest to you.
During this time it’s important to remember that talking can help, and it’s okay to lean on your family and friends for support.
While there isn’t always a simple way to discuss your health, there are steps you can take to make the process easier. In this article, we share suggestions on how to tell your family about your cancer diagnosis.
Check in With Yourself
Before discussing your health with loved ones, it’s important to check in with yourself. Do you need more time? How do you feel? Not knowing the answers is perfectly fine, but acknowledging where you stand is a great first step.
Journaling, writing, painting, or any other creative outlet is a great first step to practice conveying your emotions. You don’t need to put your feelings into words immediately, everything comes with practice and time.
Determine a Comfortable Location
You may consider planning a certain time and location to discuss your health with your family. Breaking the news is never easy on both sides, but you can choose a good time to minimize any extra stress.
You may choose a place where you know you and your family will both be comfortable. Plan beforehand and know that you don’t have to have all of the answers. You also do not need to tell anyone right away.
Tell a Close Friend First
It can be nerve-wracking deciding how to break difficult news to your family. Consider practicing what you’ll say with a friend you trust first. Discussing this with them and practicing your words can help minimize the discomfort that comes with talking about your health. Test the waters before taking the plunge, so to speak.
Oftentimes being vulnerable around family is one of the most difficult things to do. While it is challenging, try to focus on being transparent with what is happening, how you’re feeling, and what you need. Find those who listen, and know that you are not a burden.
Being honest opens up space for you to talk about what you are going through, but it can take time to feel completely ready for vulnerability. Give yourself time, and know that there are people there to listen when you are ready. Community support is also available through the American Cancer Society’s Cancer Survivors Network (CSN). CSN can provide peer support for people with cancer, survivors, caregivers, families, and friends, and a safe place to connect with others.
While practicing with a friend can be helpful, simply writing down hard conversations before they happen can help give you a sense of control. Consider creating a list of your talking points to ensure that you know exactly what you want to say.
Most importantly, be prepared for pushback. Family members may have alternative suggestions for what you should do moving forward, or they may not know how to respond. Know that their pushback comes from a place of love and support, but ultimately, you can decide what you want.
“You need to be as honest with your family as you can. Some will not want to hear what you say no matter what. Find those who do listen. Talking about your health challenges or those of a loved one helps you also. Talking about challenges with others helps me keep a good perspective on my life.”
Be Open to Questions
Sometimes it can be hard to gauge how others will react to the news of cancer. Creating an open space for your loved ones to express how they are feeling after hearing your news can strengthen your support bond.
Remember that this moment only comes when you are ready, and creating open communication does not come overnight. It’s okay to feel nervous to hear your family’s worries, and it’s also okay to tell them this.
Ask a Close Friend to Take Notes
From a family member’s perspective, it can be shocking to hear about a loved one’s health condition. Because of this, important details can often get lost in translation when the words “I have cancer” are echoing through everyone’s ears.
To ensure that everyone stays on the same page, even after the hard conversation is over, ask a close friend to come with you to take notes. Be prepared for questions after the conversation, and know that it’s okay to say, “I don’t know.”
Delegate Spreading the News
The thought of breaking the news to extended family and friends can feel overwhelming and emotional. If you choose to break the news to your close family, consider appointing one or two family members to spread the news to others.
To make this process easier, consider starting a CaringBridge site. While constant questions about a health journey show that family and friends care, answering them and sharing health news over and over is exhausting. Take this task off of your plate with CaringBridge, an easy-to-use and free online Journal for sharing health messages with loved ones—all in one place.
A great alternative to delegating the spread of news is filming videos explaining your situation to send to family and friends. If you are struggling to find the words to say in person, consider rehearsing and recording a video that covers all of your talking points.
You are not obligated to tell anyone about your situation, but sending videos to loved ones may be a good first step. This allows people outside of your closest family and friends to stay informed and involved with your journey.
Learn Your Trigger Points
If there are topics surrounding your health that are too difficult to discuss, you by no means need to confront them. If someone asks, simply say “I’m not quite ready to talk about that yet, can we please talk about something else?”
Everyone has different pressure points. Expressing to your family when you’re uncomfortable creates room for understanding and support. Take your time opening up, you’ll know when you are ready.
How Did You Share Your Story?
We want to hear your stories. How have you told a loved one some hard health news? How did it go? If you feel like sharing, we’d love to hear your story in the comments below.