After months of not feeling well, two trips to the hospital and some tests we now know a prognosis and its not a good one.
As I look at my mom and talk to her it still does not seem real. She has suffered far too long. She always put Dad, Roland, Jeff and I before her own needs. Her dementia has always scared me knowing that some say she may not know who I am. Thankfully that may never come. Her short-term memory is not that great but she is still the great quick-witted person she has always been, even through all of the pain that she has been suffering and not saying a word to any of us. Always telling us she was fine.
She is a supermom to me and I wanted to be just like her when I became a mom. I can only hope that I did half the job she did with my brothers and I. And a grandma wow that was a walk in the park for her. I may be a little better at that.
How does someone as great as her get cancer, yes cancer that ugly word! She has not smoked in at least 30 years, so why the mass in her lung? Was she a drinker, no, yes, she liked her wine, but enough to have a liver and pancreas with cancer, I think not! I always knew she had a small heart, the organ of course, as her heart was so big, it caused that small organ of hers to work overtime. That is why when her heart was so elevated, we did not realize it was cancer on the adrenal gland. Now we struggle with what we actually tell her.
As I wait for the hospital to release her and let her go home to her family, I think how did this happen. Why did she get picked? You know I asked her to be my matron of honor for my wedding because she was always my best friend and still is my best friend. She flat out turned me down saying I didn’t want an old lady standing next to me on that day. I did want her. She has accomplished what most have not. She has raised three kids and guided them to make the choices in life that we have made. She supported my dad through their 67-year marriage. Not many people can say that their parents have been married for 67 years. They fight like cats and dogs sometimes but you can still see and feel the love they have for each other as my dad tries so hard to care for her every need, and she tells him she needs him.
As I spend this Sunday with her, I want her to know that I am so grateful to have been blessed with such a wonderful person in my life. I will thank her for always being my biggest supporter, for always telling me I am beautiful inside and out even when I told her she was crazy. I will also thank her making me believe that I was the best thing that happened to her even when I knew she told Roland and Jeff the same thing because we were all her favorite.
I hate seeing her and my father go through all of this it’s just not fair. She deserves so much better so this is where I ask God to not let her suffer. Please do that for her, and watch over my father as he will be lost without her. I wish that I could take away all of her pain and make it mine because that is what she would do! So instead, I will pray that God does this for her and I will be there for her and my dad. We will all get through this together as the family that mom made.