Oct 11, 2020 Latest post:
Oct 29, 2020
Hi, it’s Jessica, Todd’s loving wife and mother to his 2 children, one 3 year old son and one 9 week old unknown in utero. This baby is Due May 25, 2021. This update site was started in hopes to communicate updates on Todd’s condition after his tragic bike accident on October 9, 2020. The literal year from hell. It has evolved as Todd’s condition drastically took a turn for the worst and on October 19, 2020, we had to take him off of life support. I now recount my experiences. Since all his experiences will now be memories spoken by me. This writing has been extremely cathartic and spiritually rewarding, which was not what I expected in the slightest. I will continue to write here, for various reasons. Despite Todd being gone there is still more to update, you may now be uninterested, the plot twist and crescendo reaching their peak but much is changing, and I want to recount things in a timely manner, as to look back and read this to myself and my children. To aid in keeping the small bits of Todd that I have left. I hope to keep those informed of our home changes through community support, Nolan’s and my own evolution, and the growth and birth of the baby. Life as a young widow of 2 small children may be interesting, or utterly boring, only time will tell. Lastly, I hope that if people read these entries they will see a real-world day by day picture of grief. I believe there is stigma around addiction, mental health, suicide, miscarriage, and grief. That the world indicates there are hidden rules, an expected agenda, a linear pattern that those that experience grief should follow. I do not ascribe to this belief. Grief is different for every single person, every single day, even in any span of breath. My thought is that by my bearing my inherent transparency through this method. I can reach and touch others so that this stigma doesn’t limit someone else’s time of grief. I’m aware those are lofty aspirations but I have to find some good in this horrific scenario or I will not survive. I used to believe there was a reason for everything and now I’m truly lost and unsure. I hope this perspective, these words, can aid in my pursuit to find peace with the terrible events that left me a young widow. But it can also shed light to help others in some small way. Much love, and I truly appreciate every read, every note, every heart. I now survive on the little things.