Sarah Miller

First post: Sep 12, 2021 Latest post: Dec 3, 2021
Welcome to Sarah's website. We are using it to keep family and friends updated in one place. We appreciate your support and words of hope and encouragement. Thank you for visiting.

The beginning.... I never thought I would have a story to tell. In April my story started. I went for my annual mammogram thinking this was just a routine check up. Then I got “the letter.” The letter that so many women get. The letter that says they need to do a rescan due to something. I thought nothing of it as most women do because so many get that letter and nothing comes of it. I made the follow up appt and then the day came and I just didn’t feel like going so I rescheduled. At this point it’s July before I can get seen again. The day of the appt the person doing my scan tells me “oh your getting scanned due to seeing some calcium deposits in your left breast and an asymmetrical lymph node in your left arm pit.” Oh I am?? This was all news to me.

After they redo the scan and an ultrasound, a radiologist comes in and tells me there are some areas of concern and they need to do a biopsy. All of my blood drains out of me it felt like. Biopsy? No way, that means there is something to biopsy. I get to my car, close the door and start crying. My whole future flashes in front of me. I plan out my medical leave and chemo treatment, I tell myself it will be fine. I can get through this and it will be over before I know it. Guys, I hadn’t even been diagnosed yet. I call my Aunt, she calms me down and I drive home.

Two days later (everything starts to happen really fast), I have the biopsy. They insert a “harpoon”‘like needle into the 3 areas of concern and insert some markers. Afterwards, the radiologist comes in and starts talking about surgery to remove the masses or another type of biopsy to determine if I need surgery. And I’m thinking, what is she even saying to me? Masses? Surgery? She must have realized I was confused and says “Has anyone explained to you what is going on?” Um no ma’am, no one has told me anything. I thought it was dense breast tissue. She starts to use all the medical terms I don’t understand but I nod and say okay. I now have to wait 5 days. 5 days to review my biopsy results. 5 days to let my mind go in a million places on what my future may look like. So many people said it’s going be fine, there’s no way it’s cancer. I wanted so badly to believe that, but something in my gut just knew. I don’t know if I wanted to think it was cancer so when I got the good news it would seem better but I just felt like I knew.

Wednesday, July 28. “I’m sorry to tell you Sarah but you have cancer.” My Mom was with me for the zoom appt with the most lovely human ever. I couldn’t believe this was her job to tell people this life changing news. I sat there as she told me what type I have and make all these appts for me. I was numb. I looked at my mom at one point and said is this really happening? Is this real life? But it was. That’s when my life changed into a defining moment, I now had a part of my life that was pre-cancer and now after cancer. I look at pictures and think that was before breast cancer. It’s all very surreal. My mind went to so many places, some dark and some not. I played a million scenarios in my head but the one thing that shook me to my most inner core was - my boys. How? What? What are they going to do without me? I want to see their lives, I want to be there for all the things. I decided in that moment that there was no other option but for this to be okay. No other option.

Like I said everything started to happen so fast. The amazing human, Debbie, had all my appts booked within a week and off I went to start this journey. I met with my surgeon to talk about the plan. She told me I have 2 different types of cancer - invasive ductal carcinoma and apocrine carcinoma which is rare and more aggressive. Yay me! That’s when I found out I would need chemo first and then radiation and surgery. Chemo. It’s a scary word. She also told me I would lost my hair. And for some reason I had the hardest time with that news. I thought that I could go through this without people knowing, but now I was going to look like a cancer patient. My boys would see me in a different way. I didn’t want to look sick. It’s dumb I know, and it’s just hair but that part has been hard to come to terms with.

Fast forward to today. After multiple scans, biopsies and appts we have entered the hard part. I started my fist chemo treatment on Sept 10. Eight and a half hours. Bless Christian who had it sit in a dinky folding chair while we had a ton of info thrown at us. I will be getting 4 different drugs administered once every 3 weeks for 6 cycles. We were presented with 2 different options of chemo treatments by my oncologist and this was the less aggressive and shorter one, so I feel blessed. After that, I will have a mastectomy and then reconstructive surgery. I will be in chemo for a full year. Once I’m done with the first 6 rounds, I will be on targeted therapy for the rest of the time. I got this.

Here’s the deal, I know I will beat this and get through it because there is no other option. I have so much more life to live and things to do. This is a moment in time. A shitty moment in time but nonetheless there are lessons for me to learn from all of this. Words cannot express how thankful I am for all the support we have received so far. I’m not sure how I deserve to have such amazing humans in my life, but damn do I feel grateful. Here’s to beating this thing one moment at a time...

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