Nancy Hill

First post: Nov 2, 2019 Latest post: Nov 23, 2019
🙋 Hi, Aloha, howzit So first "journal" hahaha.. ok. i have to get this out.. thoes who know me i mean know me will understand this topic i want to get out.. "Bro in Crowe" im so greatful for.. letting me use this SamSung pad. that is givning triggering the PTSD everytijme i use it.. (story maybetold later if thoes do not undertand).   but im having the hardest time adjusting to typing on this .. BECAUSE!! when i was in school or work or home  we had a keyboard that was a lott bigger. so my fingers .. feel like they are connected to a dinosaur.  hahahahaha. . then again i can't spell anyway.. so yes get use to tht.. im to tired to auto correct... so . 1 more thing if you don't know my mommom ford, my mom, and yes me .. talk like we are greek or Italians but we are not. But  we can tell you what shoes we on and where we got the dress and the story of the day of buying thqt dress when we tell  a story.. hahahaha 😱 ..  but the POINT  is sorry if i go on and on.. its also where my brain goes . now CORRECTING MYSELF.. I DID NOT MEAN TO SAY IM SORRRY above. THIS IS WHO I AM!! 

im not going to filter this .. i have been wearing MASKS for DECADES. IM 41 AND A year ago i felt i was in  a PRISON. yeah i looked good while i was in that prison for 4 years ]..right!!! haha 
WAs a block from the beeach. great jobs , payed great on maui, got to see whales in the distanst from my office window..  i had worked hard my whole life to achieve ..And a man that fooled me and ....🤬🤪😭🤩💜😪🤪😩😈💀😭😭😭 But home was not!!!🙄 

this is sounding like a story uhis time the woman doesn't die in the prison

 I Suffer from Mental Illnesses  Depression prob most of my life but diagnosed by a dr and put on meds back when i was 26.   Now it is Major DEpression From the ex i left 9-10-18 I now have PTSD MAJOR AXNIETY  LIKE FIRST TIME I SAW FOOTBALL ON TV AFTER I LEFT HIM I WAS SCARED ROCKING BACKAND FORTH LIKE WTH is happening to me..  even today football is the devil.. 
Suicide::  HELL YA.. THAT SOUNDED LIKE THE PERFECT WAY TO STOP FEELING . I HAVE PLANNED THEM OUT yes. BUT i have not accted on them or else i would be not typing now cause i know they hve not cloned me yet. LOL Only reason i have not done it yet is cause ill go to hell. BUT SOME Times  the dark hole  ur brains chemicals are telling you who cares.. u don't have to be on this earth anymore..  tht is my belief u can havee urs..  And with outmy whole family even the ones not walking on this earth anymore. BUT I know NOW why god gavee me my sister as MY sister. my only other sibling..   I since i left him ex  .have been in molokini  phchy ward twice..have have seen a brilliant psychologist,  overcome lots of small steps. But with to much to explaine I never did feel like i want to to live..and i never told anyone really and over a year later i want to kill myself again these meds are just not working anymore.. have to use a cane to just walk to the bathroom NO lie. my studder as a 6 yearold i over came,  with parents that were amd  are always advocates,  has comes studer . Like wow..   COMPLETELY NOT ABLE TO HOLD ANY JOB , lost three this year becaue of all of the above..( so NO MONEY, SOMANY BILLS  , )not able khDRIVE SAFELY  AND SCARED TO SOCIALIZE  What i do have 💜 FAMILY WHO have a warm safe food in my belly place to laymyahead   , breath in and out , GOD AND.. the power of voice faintly fighting to be heard over all the other voices (commitee i call them)😂🙋‍♀️🙋‍♂️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♂️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♂️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♂️🙋‍♀️🤷‍♀️🙋‍♀️🤷‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♂️ . MENTALLY  ILLNESS Doesn't discriminates or say that you don't believe in god or u do, or u being punished ..its just u cant see the amputated brain, accuracy  u cant see my u and i can't see the dease.. but i can feel it and thia diseases aggect OUR whole world  No now have new phycirotrist.  Adjuated meds and added. So i start my path with u    1. I appricate all the prayers and funny things yall send  and it geta tirling to respond to all.when i so want to. 2. Keep u posted 3. And to yes please prayers as i walk this valley. I dont care ur opinion on my journey or what i should of,  could of, or would of. Trust me the exs words and others are brained in BRAIN ;;that i know i can over come with GOD!  SO LETS BEGIN pl

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