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Makenna (Big Mac) Holm
4/19/2016 Latest post:
Sunday, April 17th, 2016
Just an ordinary day. Just another Sunday. I was at work till 1900. On my way home, I often try to connect with each of the kids if I haven't heard from them during the day. I called Makenna's cell phone, but she didn't answer. That was not unusual. I thought she was probably at work, which she was. She called me about 5 min later and said she had to work till 2000. I asked her how her day was and she said it was fine. I told her I'd see her at home. I got home, spoke to Kyle for a bit and went downstairs to my room. About 2030, I heard Makenna's lock on her vehicle in the driveway, she went upstairs and to her room. This was nothing unusual at all. The next sounds I heard were terrifying. Lauren came running down the stairs with a very frightened look on her face. I could not understand much of what she was screaming...except for the word "Makenna". I ran upstairs and found absolutely the most frightening scene.
Makenna had decided that for her, this was the time...the place...to leave this earth. So..so, out of the ordinary. Not even close to being on my radar. She had plans...she had so many GOOD and GREAT plans for herself. I started rescue breathing on her..and some chest compressions...sternal rub. I think I did not even check for pulse, etc. because it was too crowded to do so. I just thought "feed the brain"..."feed the brain". I noted that she was still warm and even pink. She only had a slight amount of blue around her mouth, but very little. That gave me energy...fight to fight with her. I directed Lauren to call 911, and I knew that she was, but of course...felt like forever until I heard her answering pre-arrival's questions....and then Lauren was asking me for the response. The deputies arrived and moved her to the living room with the paramedics who were just arriving. I was directed to go outside and wait with everyone else. That was hard to do --- to walk away and relinquish "control" that I never had. I had no control over anything...none at all.
After awhile, I heard fire trucks. Being a 911 dispatcher and knowing that Monticello does not routinely go to medicals, I thought one thing -- that they were doing full blown CPR (they did bring in the LUCAS) and they needed fire for extra support. But in fact, it was something a tad more positive than that overall. They were setting up a landing zone for Makenna to take her first helicopter flight. Some firefighters were at house (including Pastor Jedidiah) which kind of threw me for a loop (I might add). But knowing that the helicopter was enroute, seemed to give me a tad bit of inner hope.
They confirmed that Makenna did NOT need the AED at the house....and actually left the house with her own sustaining heart beat. The rest of that night fades into entry of Day #1.
There are no screaming answers to the WHY question on this. None of us get this right now. But no matter what, Makenna will NEVER EVER be alone. We, as family and friends of all ages, life experiences, and geographic area --- will hold her up and fight WITH her. She can be so dang stubborn and determined. That is what we will praise in her...and what will carry her (and us) to the next day.
Baby steps. We are repeatedly told that this is a waiting game. As a mother, I have cried so many tears...my heart has broken more times over than I can count. Just when I think I just can't anymore, I hear from someone...or read something...or see Kyle and Lauren and get stronger.
This is certainly not the USUAL DAY, but the fact is....we still have a day WITH Makenna. And for that, we are so very grateful.
**Thank you to the Wright County Sheriff's Department, the hard-working ambulance and helicopter crews, Monticello Fire Department, and to the awesome medical staff at HCMC**