Sep 22, 2021 Latest post:
Feb 21, 2022
UGH~ the word I've used lately. How do you say to your family and friends... "well by the way, I have cancer" Well that's just what I've been trying to figure out these last few months. Invasive ductal breast cancer. It started with the mammogram in December, "just some calcifications" the radiologist said. They gave me an option to wait and watch for 6 months... or biopsy. Well if you know anything about me, ha I'm not waiting for anything. I will drag information out to get to the bottom of things. That started this journey. Diagnosed with ALH- cells that are not cancer, will never be cancer but make me 40% more likely than the average to develop breast cancer. I was told to follow up at the high risk clinic and get closely followed. The first step was to meet with the surgeon, and I was started on tamoxifen to reduce my risk of breast cancer by 50%. I thought this math looks good I'm at -10% now, I know I probably did the math wrong- it couldn't be that easy, and yeah ha was I wrong. First MRI July 22- mass found, small 6mm. Surgeon said, baseline MRI's are common to have something show up, and reassured me "it will be nothing" I KNEW what it was, honestly I was not surprised. I believe that I was told by God "trust me, you will be diagnosed with cancer, you will be okay, TRUST me!" I have been praying all year to trust God more, to not be so anxious about everything. So 3 days before my son Colton's wedding I was driving to the mall to buy what every mother of the groom needs- SPANX. :) I was talking to my oldest daughter MacKenzie, and a call came through and I said- "Hey I have a feeling this could be the doctor, I'll call you right back" Sure enough, "is this a good time to talk?" Yep, ya just know what comes next. "Kristin I am sorry that you have cancer. It is IDC, and it is triple positive......" I remember thinking did I just wish this? God did talk to me, I knew she was going to say that. I pulled into the parking lot and sobbed, called my daughter and said to her "I can't go get those spanx, what do I do?" "GO HOME" Colton and Mikayla's wedding was gorgeous and wonderful- and yes I did get that wonderful fat sucking spanx. After that biopsy- the tumor board said- there is another spot, we didn't see this spot, we need to biopsy another spot, more cancer. Then I was told YOU NEED TO MAKE A DECISION... Me ha ME - make a decision? I put things in the amazon cart, can't decide, and I have like 200 things saved for later. I drive everyone crazy when I have to decide where to go to dinner, I ask what do you think? But really, no one would answer if I should get a mastectomy or lumpectomy. I heard opinions, many.... but no one was willing to help me decide. I did it after seeing that my cancer was not caught on mammogram, 2nd spot missed on MRI- UGH just take it out, I can't stand not knowing, and removing all of it made more sense. So, I decided double mastectomy, with reconstruction. There I am proud to say- I did make that decision all on my own, I tried to have people help me- ha no one would, "its a personal choice" I wish it was just the dinner date decision, or what to buy in my amazon cart, it is all perspective..... I am learning. Sept 22 is the day of my surgery, at the University of Washington. Recover for a month, then for 3 months weekly chemo, along with a biologic infusion every 3 weeks for a year. Radiation to be determined after surgery with lymph node biopsy results. I guess this cancer is aggressive/grows quickly, and is one to return..... it is the HER2 + that does that. I was given a very good prognosis. So lets get this done. Yeah I am super nervous - I have never had surgery! But I want this stuff out of me! I am asking for prayer through these next few months for God's peace that passes all understanding, and protection and strength for my family. We have done this with cancer twice before (with both of my parents), and I am sad that all of my kids now have to do this again, ENOUGH- we will win! I am thankful that my husband will be taking time off with me.
GOD IS GOOD! When trials come I am strengthened that he is preparing us, shaping us to be more like him. I guess in my thoughts, I would have maybe preferred a different trial, but then I think- His way is perfect, why am I questioning. So as we tackle this, I pray that God will bless us all through the trial, and we will all become more like Him. My human side is scared, but God is going to tear that down, and I want anyone that wants to journey with my family to jump on- cause God has already moved mountains! AND HE will move more!
I HAVE COMMANDED YOU TO BE BRAVE AND STRONG, HAVEN'T I? DON'T BE ALARMED OR TERRIFIED, BECAUSE THE LORD YOUR GOD IS WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO Joshua 1:9
We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose Romans 8:28