Today is not the best day....I've never been in the hospital this long and depression is kicking in. I'm the kind of person who is as positive as it gets but i just can't today. I've never felt so helpless. I have no way of helping pay for bills, i've never been so scared of coming home to no house no job....nothing. I've never felt so helpless. Im told everyday don't get stressed out it bad for the baby. How can I not be. He is at 31 weeks now but still way under weight not not fully developed. I keep thinking God what did I do so wrong, I feel like i'm losing everything. I hate being here I want to come home, but i can't i have 3 more weeks in the hospital then a month staying at the ronald mcdonald house while Jack is in the NICU unit finishing developing unless worse comes to worse. I do try to count my blessings..... Im thankful my friends, family, kids, and Patrick the love of my life try to come and see me as much as they can. If it wasn't for them especially Patrick, My Sister Shawn, Franklyn, and Renae and Dan letting everyone stay with them while they are here to see me I'd be going insane.

Jack Martin Hubby

Update: October 17, 2019 – by Shannon Ruiz